Sayonara
by StarElement242
Summary: A student begins to bother L when he is forced to attend community college to investigate Light. He can't make friends. He doesn't make friends. With her, however, it seems he can only make the best of the inevitable. M rating for violence and sexual themes.


I'm posting this story more just to have it online than any other reason. Yes, the character is a total Mary Sue (sorry!), but really, I wrote this a long time ago. Does that excuse it? No. Do I care? No.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. If I did, I probably would not be writing fan-fiction about it...honestly, why do we have to write these disclaimers anyhow?

Warning: This is quite dark (for my tastes) and includes adult themes.

* * *

**Sayonara**

"What a freak," the girl next to him whispered to her neighbor. The "freak" in question was currently blowing her nose because of a cold, and in doing so producing an elephant-like sound that, unbeknownst to her, was agitating the entire class. Even the teacher was obviously irked beyond composure, and after a few more moments, she snapped.

"I know it's not your fault," the teacher explained, "but Hiata, could you take care of that outside, please? Maybe you can also get some medicine from the nurse. Could you do that for me?" The girl threw her used tissue in the trashcan and pulled another one from the box, listening quietly to the teacher. She nodded in response and walked through the door, almost as if she were glad to remove herself from the classroom.

"Doesn't she have enough common sense to have left the room in the first place?" The girl next to him was talking again, in that obnoxious voice of her's that made his eye twitch. "I mean, puh-lease, she took like ten minutes away from our class time."

"As if you care about that," another voice said, addressing the girl next to him. For some reason, when he heard that voice, he felt like the person it was attached to had some manner of intelligence. He didn't feel like turning around to look at the girl who had spoken though – that would imply a certain amount of interest, of which he had none. He merely let himself listen as the girl continued to speak.

"Honestly, we should be grateful that Hiata interrupted the class. It took us out of hell for ten minutes at the least." The girl beside him giggled silently, along with her neighbor.

"It's only boring for you because you're so smart," she snickered to the voice behind him.

"Yeah, yeah," the voice replied. "You'd probably have the same grade as me if you didn't spend all your time gossiping." The girl beside him giggled again, and her neighbor patted her back.

"She's right, you know," the girl's neighbor said, flinging back her hair as if she were being heroic. "Maybe we should stop gossiping so much, eh?"

"Now she's caught you," the girl beside him answered her neighbor, who he suspected was her close friend. "Don't listen to her – she's just sticking up for that loser because they're friends." The girl behind him, whose face he couldn't see, didn't reply immediately. For what reason, he knew naught.

"No way, you're friends with her?" the neighbor gasped, her eyes going wide. "It's because you feel sorry for her, right? You're always making friends with losers because you're so nice." The girl behind him chuckled silently, and he almost believed for a second that the gesture was out of malice.

"No, you've got it all wrong. I'm friends with Hiata because she's the only one in this class that's crazier than I am," the voice exclaimed. Both of the girls next to him giggled once again.

"Yeah, you're probably right about that. I thought you were the craziest person I'd ever met until she walked through the door," the girl next to him remarked. All three giggled together, and this time the teacher shot a stern look their way until they stopped and once again focused on the subject. L tapped his fingers lightly on his knees, thinking. This girl, whom he only knew the voice of, was clever. She was obviously sticking up for the one named Hiata, but managed to maintain her status with these other girls, who obviously were not about to stick up for Hiata. She reminded him somewhat of Light Yagami, who was able to convince most people to see things his way merely by talking to them for a minute or two. This girl had just managed to get the two girls next to him to stop gossiping about Hiata, while at the same time improving their opinion of the girl.

He probably would have disregarded this short exchange between the three girls and everything about the mystery voice behind him, had the body this particular voice was attached to not approached him after the bell rang.

"Hey, Ryuuga," the girl said, walking steadily up to him and extending her hand. "You're new here, aren't you?" She had a sly smile adorning her rather angular face, and was looking strait at him in a gesture of politeness. L gazed at her extended hand and delicately shook it, turning his gaze to her kind eyes once again. He wasn't sure what to say to her, so he merely nodded. What was this girl's plan? Why was she approaching him of all people? It was obvious from his experience with people that everyone he came across thought he wasn't worthy of their time. So why was he worthy of her's? Suddenly the exchange from earlier came back to him, and he had his answer.

"Forgive me for not remembering your name," L said calmly, climbing out of his chair and facing her. She was just a tad shorter than he, even considering the slouch he retained while standing. She grinned at him.

"That's okay. I've never exactly told it to you. I'm Ren, it's nice to meet you." The girl flashed a smile at him, and didn't even look uncomfortable during the silence that followed because of his failure to answer her. "Can I help you find your next class or something?" L considered her offer and ended up taking it. He hadn't had much success finding his classes so far because he had been following Light in order to get there. It would have been okay if not for the crowds. He got lost when the sheer mass of the student body caused separation between him and the Kira suspect. And now that Ren had stalled him to the point that he would not be able to find Light for certain, he gathered that he had no other option. Besides, it gave him the chance to deter this girl from trying to become friends with him. Friends were something he couldn't afford during the middle of an investigation, he knew that.

He decided to ignore Light where this statement was concerned.

"Ren?" he said, finding that he rather liked the feel of that name on his tongue. It just sort of rolled off, even if when he said it he was reminded of a rattlesnake slithering on the road strait towards him. The Ren in question turned to him delightedly, thinking she was making some progress.

"Yes?"

"I have two theories about you, one of which I'm quite certain is the truth," L explained, and to his surprise, Ren smirked at him, keeping quiet and letting him finish. He expected some kind of reaction from her, something like "so, you already think you know who I am? How can you? We just met." She just stared at him with those almost-too-friendly eyes, walking down the hall, wedged uncomfortably between the throngs of people.

"My first theory is that you make friends, or at least appear to make friends with the socially unsound when you could just as easily avoid them out of a wish to be looked upon as gracious and heroic." His emotionless eyes fixated on her, L waited for a heated reply, but was surprised again when he did not get one. She just waited for him to go on. Disconcerted, he plowed on anyhow. "My second theory is that you enjoy how grateful the pour souls you make friends with are and get some sort of satisfaction from seeing how much worse off they are than you, like a ruler and his subjects." Through the explanation of L's theories, they had arrived at his next class, of which Ren knew of because it was her class, too. These two classes were the only classes they had together all day.

"I was right about you," she mumbled fleetingly to him, before holding the door open for him and following his hunched form inside. L's mind was reeling – he didn't yet have enough information to make a conclusion about this girl, and yet she had already seemed to make a conclusion about him. She couldn't be quicker than him – so why did she already seem to anticipate his every move? And she was anticipating – of that he was certain. The female species had a fiery temper and was quick to snap at insults. He had just insulted her good nature and even her moral center, and all she had done was listen and watch him intently with those smiling eyes. He had to figure her out, and what she hoped to gain from being his friend. It was just too suspicious, and he had a reason to suspect that she somehow knew who he was.

After Calculus was finished, and everyone else had filed out of the classroom and most likely prepared to go home for the day, L remained in his chair. As he suspected, Ren stayed behind. Light had glanced at L in confusion a second before, probably wondering why L wasn't tailing him all the way home. If he didn't, Light could go anywhere, and the Kira investigation couldn't afford that. L had considered this, but decided that at the present, Ren proved to be a bigger threat than Light. It wasn't a matter of who was capable of more – it was a matter of who he knew more about. Ren remained a mystery so far.

"I'm going to explain something, and you can believe me if you like," Ren said from her desk across the room, climbing steadily out of it and turning to face him. "I like you." L couldn't help but look a bit thunderstruck, and also couldn't help biting back a gasp.

"Although I'm flattered," he managed to remark, "I can't say I return the feeling. We just met, after all, and as such, I don't know what kind of person you are, or whether I should like you or not." The corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly, and her eyes danced with amusement.

"You didn't let me finish. I like you because you're like me. You analyze everything people do and everything that happens around you, and you make sense of it in your head, then draw conclusions from what you've learned. You even pegged what kind of person I was right from the start, as I did you. However, unlike me, you lack the social skills to back up your brilliant mind." She let a few moments of silence pass between them to see if he would say anything in return. He wasn't going to give her that satisfaction, however, when she hadn't given it to him.

"You know," she continued after he didn't answer, "both of your theories were probably correct in some respects. I have my own theory, however." This caught his interest. She had a theory about herself? Didn't she mean to say, "You are wrong about me"? He didn't know, once again. "I believe that I make friends with the 'losers', as some might call them, because I learn from them. I enjoy being around them because there's so much to analyze. Such as why they are so different from everybody else, or why they perform certain actions that anyone else would consider strange. Many of them are hard to get along with because of their lack of social skills, and because of this, I learn better than most how to get along with difficult people. I may be 'using them', as you say, but I enjoy their company because they're so much more interesting than normal people, and they enjoy my company, so I see no problem."

L was beginning to loose interest. It was clear that this girl knew nothing about him, but rather everything about what kind of person he was, because they were very similar. She was no longer a threat to the investigation. However, she was intriguing him more and more with every second. The way her eyes never seemed to stop smiling, and how, he learned as he ran over his memories of her in his head, she always seemed to know exactly what to say. Her personality was so similar to his (he enjoyed difficult mysteries, she enjoyed difficult people, which was almost the same thing), but it was also similar to Light's. She was like a cross between the two men, except she had a prettier face.

"Mhmn." She could be a distraction if this continued. She had gone back over to her desk to pick up her book bag, giving him time to think and draw conclusions. He decided that she could be useful. Very useful, from what he'd seen of her talents. However, he couldn't just recruit any college student he wanted to for the Kira investigation. No, that wouldn't be right. She could get hurt. Although, just by talking to her, he was putting her in harm's way. If Kira somehow saw them together and assumed they were friends, he could use her to his advantage. All the more reason he had to break it off quickly.

Then it hit him. The foolish girl. She had already made it clear that if he pushed her away, she would consider him a challenge, and therefore redouble her efforts. The only way to avoid this was to act like her friend, which he also couldn't do. She had him cornered. She was going to put herself in danger with or without his help. "This is why I'm not good with people," L thought to himself.

"Ren," he said serenely, not showing the slightest bit of emotion on his face as she approached him with her bag slung on her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"You say you enjoy learning from people who are different. In this case, you have nothing to learn from me, because we are alike, as you say. Therefore I see nothing you have to gain from hanging around me." She looked a little ruffled, and that was good. L really didn't want anything to do with her, so the more she didn't like him, the better. Unfortunately, after she regained her composure, she simpered and pushed her hair back, obviously letting him know that she knew something he didn't.

"I," she said, bringing her eyes closer to his, "do."

"Oh? And what do you see that could be gained?"

"That's for me to know and you to investigate," she replied quickly, smiling and backing away from him. "I have to go. I'll probably be bothering you again tomorrow. Bye, now!" And with that, she flashed out the door, and left L sitting there, grimacing. First of all, he had failed in deterring her from him. Second of all, she had used word choice that had not gone unnoticed by him and frankly left him feeling greatly disturbed. He had believed only moments ago that she knew nothing about him, but now he realized that was a grave miscalculation. Who was she?

The next day, L began to watch her. He would still watch Light occasionally, but that point of the investigation was going rather sluggish. Light didn't seem to be making any moves for a while, and neither did Kira. L was finding it harder and harder to put the two personas into different categories. He decided to leave it alone, because he found that watching Ren was much more satisfying and produced more interesting results. The close watch of the girl continued for a week before anything happened.

She didn't hide the fact that she hung around with everyone. College, like high school, was divided into cliques. In basics there were the popular people and the non-popular people. Ren flitted from group to group, generally getting along with everyone. She seemed to only hang around the popular people in order to defend her own reputation. L guessed that if asked she would say it was because she needed to have influence so that she could defend the lesser people from insults and horrible pranks and jokes. Something like that, at least. After watching her more and more, however, L realized that her intentions weren't so noble. She just liked people. She liked every single person he had seen her with, enjoyed their company, and also learned from them. She even seemed to enjoy being with people with whom the feeling wasn't mutual. She would learn from them the most.

"So there's no chance that dropping hints that I don't like her will make her go away," L mumbled under his breath. He shook his head, observing her chat with a couple of girls from across the cafeteria.

"What was that, Ryuuzaki?" asked Light from across the table. L realized he had been talking to himself, and quickly turned his attention back to Light.

"Nothing, nothing...I was just...thinking..." he muttered back, taking another bite of shortcake. Light didn't press the matter, but instead changed the subject momentarily to something about diabetes and how eating sugar could cause it. L responded accordingly, but he didn't much care about dying or getting sick. In the end, cake was worth it.

After lunch, he went to his first class with Ren in it. After being greeted by her and stricken somewhat into conversation, the bell rang, and the class took their seats. She was behind him, so he couldn't watch her without seeming suspicious, but it gave him a chance to think about a few things. He had realized after lunch that getting rid of her wasn't his top priority anymore. It had become studying her and finding out how much she knew about him that he was set on. He was considering the possibility that she knew he was the famous detective, L. It was absurd, but based on her actions so far, he was 11% sure, which was extremely high in his figuring. It wasn't enough to launch a full-scale investigation, though. He would break the law, and he would use people to solve mysteries, and he would even consider killing, but he wouldn't do things recklessly or irrationally. A small-scale investigation was mandatory, however, so he decided to stick with it.

Luckily, after the final bell rang at the end of the day, the girl approached him again. She seemed extremely nervous about something, and kept fidgeting with the hem of her green blouse, her face turning red. L recognized this as blushing, and knew that someone was supposed to exhibit this particular symptom when nervous or embarrassed. So why was she blushing?

"Hey, Ryuuga," she said casually, her blush disappearing and a smile splitting her nervous face. She had regained her composure. L looked up at her face, still quite pink, and gave her a small smile back. He figured it was the least he could do. She seemed to be going through so much effort just to be his friend, which, he reminded himself, was only another reason to suspect her.

"Hello," he said bluntly, expressionless once more. He curled his toes and waited for her to speak again.

"Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go...get some cheesecake at Boni's Sweets. On me." He noticed she let out a breath she'd been holding when she finished her sentence, and appeared to be relieved of some heavy burden. He couldn't imagine what was so difficult about asking someone to go to a cake restaurant with them, but he guessed it had something to do with girls and their way of thinking.

"That would be...very nice, yes, of course," he answered her, more thinking out loud than anything else. She grinned and looked like she was trying to contain a squeal. This was perfect, L thought. He could use this chance to interrogate her one on one and resolve some mysteries about her.

It was a cake shop to end all other cake shops! Actually, it was a bit quaint to say the least. It looked like a cake restaurant right out of the 1800's, if they existed...but at least it was quiet. L didn't like the idea of being in a crowded place when interrogating someone. It was harder to hear and, although it was harder to be overheard, it was just as well when no one was around than when fifteen hundred high school chicks and commuters were jostling you every five seconds.

When they walked through the door, L immediately sought out the menu and chose his cake of favor, ordering a slice from an aging woman in a bonnet that looked like her skin covering could be zipped off and used as a poncho. Ren tried not to think about the woman this way, but there was no denying who came out of the prehistoric era and who did not. After ordering, he immediately sat down at a table in the back of the restaurant. When seeing this, Ren blushed and made like she was looking at the menu. A table in the back? What's he thinking? Did he seriously want to take advantage of...

Wait a second. He wouldn't do that, and she was sure of it. So why did he want to be so secluded from anyone else...Oh. So that's what it was. He wanted to interrogate her, to try and find out how she knew he was L. She swallowed her flaring emotions and ordered some strawberry cheesecake, retreating to the back of the restaurant and sitting across from L. He was staring at her with wide eyes, a curious look on his face as though he was trying to discern something. Or maybe he was just trying to scare her. With those bags under his eyes, he _could_ play the part of a zombie in a horror film without much effort. It certainly wasn't very endearing to his otherwise handsome physique.

Ren didn't seem too inclined to talk. L thought this a little bit strange, for the reason that she had invited him here, and from what he'd observed, people usually talked to each other when they visited a restaurant together. He wondered what exactly she was planning.

"It wasn't that hard to figure out, you know," she said softly, shrugging her shoulders and casting her eyes to the hardwood table that had been painted many times over. "I'm good friends with Sayu Yagami, my neighbor. It was really her that gave me the clue. First of all, she told me that her father was working on the Kira case along with her brother, Light Yagami. Then, she told me that she saw someone following her for a certain time. It was then that I knew Kira was suspected to be someone close to the police. Then, you and Light came to the school, and I knew you weren't young or stupid enough to be a regular college student. Plus, you stuck to Light like peanut butter to jelly. It was obvious from your behavior that you were investigating him on the grounds that he was a suspect."

L stayed silent for a moment, taking in what the girl across from him had just explained. He had to admit that her skills of observation and deduction were high, but reasonably he knew that she wouldn't have gotten anywhere without the coincidental friendship with Sayu Yagami. There was only one problem.

"So...you know I'm investigating Light because I think he could be Kira," he confirmed. She nodded, lowering her head and looking strait into his eyes. It was a little bit dizzying to do so – it was like looking into two deep, black, endless pits of nothingness.

"What you just said confirmed my second theory. You _are_ the greatest detective in the world supposedly, the one that goes by the name 'L'—"

In one swift movement, L had leapt from his crouching position and slammed one hand down on the table to support himself, clapping a hand over her mouth firmly to stifle the rest of he words. His face was expressionless, but she could tell he was livid, and she realized from his reaction how stupid a move that had been. He really was the famous detective 'L', his actions had confirmed it, and saying this out loud in a restaurant where they could easily be overheard was not a good idea at all. Once she had stopped squirming and merely set her determined eyes on him, he relinquished his hold on her speaking ability and reassumed his odd way of sitting, completely at ease.

She did not need to tell him how she had figured out he was L using just one sentence, and he was quite perturbed at himself because of it. He had specifically said _he_ was the one who suspected Light of being Kira. She knew that if he were anyone but L, he probably would have been following orders _from _the person who suspected this, and therefore said something like "we suspect" or "Light is suspected of being Kira." He hadn't, though. He'd made a stupid mistake, and he would probably pay for it.

"Sorry about that," she said, straitening her disheveled hair and tenderly touching the sides of her cheeks, where L's delicate but strong fingers had gripped a tad too hard. "I understand, that was...stupid...but I don't think anyone overheard." She looked towards the counter at the front of the restaurant that had before contained the old-as-dust lady. It was currently vacant, and she could hear some kind of electronic tool, probably a mixer or something, humming behind a door beyond the counter. The lady was obviously not going to blab to her friends at the knitting club about what famous detective had ordered cake from her that day. L followed her gaze and came to the same conclusion, hesitantly.

"What was your purpose in revealing this knowledge to me?" L asked curiously, getting right to the point, almost as if forgetting the brawl only seconds before had actually happened.

"Revealing?" she said, looking affronted. "If you had been listening closely, you would know that I was barely revealing anything to you. You did all the revealing."

L geared his mind up to think quickly. He knew he retained exponentially better deductive reasoning than Ren, but he also knew that she retained better social skills. That alone had made the difference. While he had been trying to learn more about her, she had wormed the conversation so that he ended up telling her everything about him without even realizing it.

"To be truthful, I didn't really have a purpose at all. I just wanted to know," she added, while he thought about this. "You intrigue me. You, Ryuuga, are by far the most interesting person around here." He considered for one wild second telling her that the feeling was mutual, but he knew that it wasn't true. She was just the most interesting person as of late. She had caught him completely off guard, but now that he thought about it, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was clear that her intentions were not immoral, and her observational skills were rivaled by few. As long as he intrigued her, he could use it to his advantage.

"If you do indeed know I am investigating Light, then I have a question for you," L said gently, his face a mask of indifference. "What do you make of him?"

"Light?" Ren asked, and L nodded his messy head of black hair. She stretched her fingers on the side of her face, holding her head up as if it were a heavy burden. He could tell she was thinking, and chewed on his thumb in wait for the answer. "Light is...he's changed. He used to be focused and hard working, and also rather humble about his achievements. I mean, he acted like it was nothing. Lately, however, he's shown some arrogance that I never expected of him and...he's a little more distant. I don't believe any of these things points to him being Kira. Rather I think he's showing some of the angst he hid away as a teenager." L was about to disagree, but reconsidered. She was probably right. A couple of personality changes were suspicious, but not clear enough to add suspicion to him of being Kira. If she had said something like "he's gotten power-hungry," it would have helped a great deal more. Then again, he couldn't see Kira acting power hungry in the general public. Arrogance was much more reachable.

"Have you ever talked with him?" L questioned further. He knew she could have learned that much from observation alone. He also found her replies very interesting. They were blunt and straightforward. They didn't follow the pattern of conversations she had with other people. It was as if the answer came strait from what she was thinking instead of being filtered through social grace and humor. He wondered why she was so different around him contrasting with other people.

"I have...and I found him very difficult to talk with. I can understand how it would be easy for anyone else, but it wasn't for me. I analyzed too much and came out with the fact that he wasn't interested in anything I, or anyone else had to say. It was really quite a challenge to draw his interest." Ren said the last part with a glint in her eyes and L already knew that however difficult it had been to talk to Light, she had still had fun. The harder the challenge, the more she enjoyed it.

"From what I've heard..." L responded, pulling at his bottom lip with the tip of his thumb, "you like challenges, and this is what draws you to people. Am I to assume that this means you find a flaw or a challenge in every person?"

"Not a flaw," she said immediately, almost hurriedly. She seemed to be trying to improve the image of herself in L's mind, but by doing so, she had weakened it. 'So she does care about what I think...,' he noted. She continued, "People don't have flaws. That would imply that there is a definite right and wrong and that they don't think for themselves. In fact it makes it sound like some other entity is deciding how people should act, and if they go against it, they're flawed."

"You know, that sounds familiar. I think I've heard that explanation used for the word 'sin.' Anyway, if not flaws, what do you call these 'challenges?'" L stared intensely at her, realizing that the conversation had drifted away from interrogation and towards generally getting to know her. She cocked an eyebrow and slid her fingers through her hair.

"I call them quirks."

"Quirks?" L almost laughed. There was nothing whatsoever humorous about the situation, but it was just the way she said the word. She had a strait face and there was no joking manner about it.

"Just because someone does something differently doesn't necessarily mean that person is flawed. It simply means that an aspect of their personality contrasts with mine, and this gives me something to learn about." The old woman approached their table with two plates of cheesecake, one dripping in strawberry juice and topped off with a real strawberry, and the other drizzled in chocolate and sprinkled with something that might have been cinnamon. As soon plate touched table, L began to dig in like a ravenous wolf. He looked up after taking a few ample bites, expecting her to continue. She decided, however, that it was time for him to answer some questions of his own.

"How long have you been a detective?" Ren asked simply, inserting the strawberry into her mouth and savoring the sweet taste. L looked vaguely surprised, but didn't let it show very well. What could be gained by asking this? Was she still trying to interrogate him? She already knew he was L so what was there to learn further by asking trivial questions like this? And the question she asked...he really didn't want to give away that much personal information to someone who was merely a stranger at this point, even if she already knew his deepest secret. What she knew currently, however, couldn't be used against him to a certain extent.

"You'll understand if I'm not inclined to answer that question," L told her unblinkingly, taking another large bite of cheesecake. Ren noticed something at that moment. He held his spoon in a manner she had never seen before, and it was...endearing, much unlike his sleepless eyes. She didn't know how he managed to hold the spoon upright with only two fingers, but he was doing so without a second thought. She shook her head to clear it and focused on what he'd said. Well, it made sense that he wouldn't answer a question like that. With that information, anyone would have at least a pinprick of knowledge about his past, and it could be a jumpstart to other pinpricks...and the rest could be history. 'At least...I guess so...' she thought to herself.

"How about this one, then. Do you enjoy being a detective?" Her eyes sparkled with glee. Matching wits against this guy was indeed very enjoyable. She had definitely been right about him. However, she had also been right in thinking he was going to be a bit of a challenge.

He decided to think this one over. She had intentionally picked a question that he could answer without revealing much about himself, and at the same time reveal a lot. Should he answer? To be honest, he really didn't want to. In fact, he would like nothing more right now than to eat his cheesecake in the comfort of an empty room with a computer. He decided that interrogating this girl had no value any longer. She had told him all he needed to know, and now desired to leave as soon as possible.

"Some aspects of it are...beneficial, yes, but...others aren't as enjoyable."

For some reason, Ren felt a pang in the confines of her chest, like a cracked rib, except it wasn't physical pain. Her instinct and some reasoning told her that L had been referring to her when he had answered the question. She already knew he felt uncomfortable around people, and it shouldn't have bothered her that he felt uncomfortable around her, too. She knew it would be a challenge; she could barely count the number of times that she'd gone through this with someone. So why did that hurt so much? Was it because she had expected him to enjoy her company because they were so similar? From her observations of his personality, that wasn't going to be enough. She growled at herself under her breath. Her mom had been right in saying Ren was always too sensitive.

"What do you like about it?" she asked further, pushing aside all of her previous misgivings. L brought his thumb up to his lips again, thinking.

"The challenge," L replied stoically. She nearly burst out into laughter. What was that all about? Wasn't he trying to push her away? This moment of charm confused her greatly. Was he trying to prove how similar they were? What was his game?

That night, Ren tried to pinpoint exactly what she liked about L, and before falling asleep, she knew she had it. He never second-guessed himself. Sure, he thought over what to say and how to proceed when he was investigating, and he thought out elaborate plans and considered every possible option. When it came down to it, however, he wouldn't hesitate to ask embarrassing questions, give up his pride, and even use another person to get to the solution. Normally, this wouldn't be a very likeable attribute, but Ren thought differently. It was quite refreshing to know that he was so like her in that he thought things through, but so unlike her in that he never held back. He never hesitated to ask a question just because it might offend the other person. Some would call it...blunt? Still, she liked this because she knew it meant that he wouldn't be offended by the same bluntness. Which meant she could truly be herself around him.

That was something that, in all her years, she had never been able to fully achieve.

There wasn't time in the next few days to talk with L further. Ren was running around at top speed trying to get her English final ready for a grade. She'd had her friends read it so far, and like all friends they said something to the effect of "it's wonderful! I love it! A+plus!" While they were spewing this nonsense, Ren took the leisure of looking past their friendly smiles and saw that they really didn't know what to think of the paper. They were wonderful confidence boosters, but they did nothing for the actual paper.

When she was at the end of her rope, she did the only thing she could think of and went to L. He was bound to have something to say about it. He took his time reading it and when he was done, handed it back to her delicately and fixated her with a haunted stare. The last few people dwindled out of the classroom, and it was then that he spoke.

"The thesis is very weak. The transitions are nonexistent. Your research is good, but you need to draw conclusions from the research, not just write down what you read on the computer. The closing paragraph is the only thing I wouldn't change." L hadn't had a way of knowing what Ren was up to by doing this, so he was rather surprised when she laughed and beamed at him. Ren continued to surprise him by not reacting to his blatant lack of tact and unfiltered criticism. This time was different, though. This time, she actually seemed delighted about it.

"Thanks!" she breathed, stuffing the paper in her bag and flying out the classroom door. L wasn't sure what he had just done, but for some reason, he felt happy to have helped. A smile almost crept its way up to his lips, but it stopped just before his throat, when he swallowed out of nervousness. Why was he so happy? Had he actually missed Ren for the last few days? It was possible...it was even possible to say that he was worried he had offended her greatly and was now very relieved that she was still talking to him.

It was ten o'clock at night by the time Ren finished making the adjustments to her paper, and due to her father's century-old printer, another half-hour before she finally climbed into bed. She did feel a little disgruntled, but her paper was finally up to scratch, all thanks to L. She felt that she really should do something to repay him, even if his help wasn't intentional. Then the phone rang, and during the short conversation that followed, she found a way.

"You have to bring everyone you know," Ren told the dark-skinned girl and a couple of her friends. She was boisterous and inviting, and the others seemed to be catching onto her enthusiasm judging by the smiles, giggles, and excited whispers that followed. By now, L had figured out what was going on. Obviously there was some kind of college get together or "party," and Ren was inviting everyone she knew from the college, which was actually close to everyone. He was anticipating by now that there was a chance she would try to invite him. By now, he had come up with an adequate response to this invitation, and was fully prepared to use it. The opportunity indeed presented itself when she approached him after the bell rang and everyone was filing out of the cafeteria. He had already gotten separated from Light through no lack of effort on his part. She cornered him then when two tall college students had them pinned on either side.

"I have no wish to participate in philandering, barbaric drinking, grinding of people in what they call a dance, and most importantly the outrageously unhealthy act that involves three or more people locked in a bedroom for hours at a time."

"Then don't," Ren countered, not phased in the least. "Just come for the atmosphere."

"By atmposphere, you do mean the smoky, sweaty rooms full of insignificant chattering and the police lights flashing outside the window, don't you?"

"You watch too much television, Ryuuga. Don't come for the alcohol, drugs and orgies. Just come to meet people and for the experience. Besides, you know that if you don't come, you may not be able to keep my alcohol intake under control. And when I get drunk, my tongue becomes a little...looser..." At first, L thought for a wild moment that she was trying to seduce him, until it at once became clear.

"So you're going to use your knowledge about me as blackmail," L concluded, fixated on her bright eyes and springy brown hair.

"You caught that, did you?"

"I probably don't have to tell you why that will never work," he replied immediately, hiking his loose jeans up above his hips more. "If I even suspected that you would actually let that information slip, I would not hesitate to imprison you long before you made a move." The classroom was just a few yards off, and it was almost starting by the time Ren answered him.

"Worth a shot," she shrugged at him and took her seat behind him.

L raised his eyebrows at her back, contemplating her actions. Knowing her, Ren would never give up that quickly or that easily. She must have had his attendance secured even before asking. But...how? The only way he would ever attend a college party is if he was required to personally show up in order to investigate something...

Damn.

His suspicions were confirmed when Light Yagami approached Ren after the class was over, and specifically discussed a certain party with her. During this short exchange of words and smiles, L managed to catch something interesting, however.

"Bring your girlfriend, too," Ren told him with a wink before hoisting her bag over her shoulder and sauntering over to L. Light gaped after her, but quickly hid the expression when he saw that L was looking. As he watched this, L's heart pounded in his skull. That was definitely something to go on in the Kira investigation. After all, the second Kira's identity was still a mystery, and he suspected the actual Kira had already made contact with this second Kira, and as he suspected Light of being Kira...any person Light had recently met or made contact with had a high probability of being the second Kira...

Light had many girlfriends, but none of them that L had observed could extract such a reaction out of him. That must mean this one was special and it gave L a very good reason to be suspicious.

"Hey, Ryuuga. What's up?" L didn't react at first, still sifting through information mentally, but snapped his gaze to the girl in front of him when a hand was waved in front of his eyes. "What's with the stare?"

"I..."

For some reason, L was at a loss for words. What was even crazier was that his mind couldn't even think of words to send to him, and his mind could always think of words. He felt a pang of fear, but quickly shook his head and gathered his thoughts.

"I know you were eavesdropping on Light and I," Ren said to him, her hair swishing gracefully behind her. L knew that in today's society, Ren was the perfect example of what someone would consider "beautiful", and yet he saw nothing special about her appearance. She seemed...regular. L forced himself to draw his focus away from her "regular" appearance and on the conversation that was supposed to reveal something groundbreaking for the Kira investigation.

"I wouldn't call it 'eavesdropping'. It actually consisted of nothing more than you happening to be talking and me happening to be hearing the sounds around me." Ren blinked at him, waiting for him to get to the point. "Anyway, while I was happening to be listening to you talk, I heard something of interest. You mentioned a girlfriend of Light Yagami's?"

"I thought you might be interested in that," Ren said smugly, crossing her legs on the desk in front of her. They were probably going to be late to the next class, but currently, life-saving detective work kind of won out in the priority department. "Sayu called me the other day, chattering away about some girl that came over to her house to visit Light."

"That doesn't seem out of the ordinary," L concluded truthfully. Light brought many girls to his house and to other places as well as part of his routine. He was quite the charmer, after all.

"Yeah. I thought so too, until Sayu told me something else. I think her exact words were 'Light told me not to tell anyone about this, but I can't stand keeping quiet. I knew I could trust you to keep it a secret.'"

"It would seem she judged correctly," L said without a hint of sarcasm, though Ren knew it was meant as a sarcastic comment. Ren usually was good at keeping secrets, but...just not this one.

"Anyway, her name is Misa Amane. Generally well known as Misa-Misa." At this, L started to think rapidly. The perfect alibi for Light would, quite obviously, be that Misa had asked him to keep their relationship quiet because of her growing fame. He had probably used it, too. However, it seemed something that Kira would do in an instant. Light probably hadn't taken as many precautions as he had thought nothing would be revealed about this secret meeting. Now that they were, though, the fact that he had tried to keep it a secret, alibi or not, made it that much more suspicious. Misa Amane sounded like the perfect candidate for the second Kira as well. Lacking in finesse and an adoration factor that couldn't be ignored added up to a young, female pop star.

"That's...very interesting..." L was staring strait ahead, without a care in the world for what he was staring at (which coincidentally happened to be Ren's chest) and mumbled to himself for a second, pulling at his bottom lip. Ren knew by now not to take things personally from L, because he was rarely personal, yet she couldn't help but feel under-appreciated. "I suppose, because you seemed so confident before that I was going to attend this party, that you have already secured her presence there to give me something to investigate." Ren couldn't help but grin.

"I love how quick you are," she purred to him, purposely batting her eyelashes mockingly. "Light doesn't believe, first of all, that you would ever attend a college party, even if the fate of the world were at stake. And also, last I heard from Sayu, he's been dying to see her since her last visit." L pondered this information. It was just a little bit too perfect a chance. He somehow found himself wanting to trust Ren, but there was this voice in the back of his head telling him not to trust anyone outside of the task force. He couldn't pass this opportunity up, on the other hand. There was just one problem with it...

"I feel that I can tell you that I now suspect Misa Amane of being one who shares Kira's power. This is good news, but it is also bad. I need to confirm my suspicions if only a little bit, and to do that, I must attend this party. However, the second Kira can kill with only a face, which means it would be extremely dangerous for me..."

A delicious smile crept over L's pale lips, his eyes alight with a fire that only his mind could kindle.

"What are you thinking now, Ryuuga?" Ren asked nervously, playing with a strand of hair. Her heart was thumping at the look on his face. It was as if he were imploring her to cut open his skull and excavate his brain matter just to explore his thought process. Enticing, Ren thought, and yet a little frightening. His mind was so advanced that it scared her at times, and apart from belittling, was...irresistible. Woah. She'd never used that word to describe him before, but now that Ren reorganized her thoughts and really considered it, she knew that it fit. Despite being a tad creepy, her feelings were latched on to him like flies on a pile of...well, you get the idea.

"It depends. What are you thinking?"

It wasn't the first question that L had ever asked her, but it was certainly the most personal. Every moment, Ren decided then, every effort she had given and would give to L would always be worth it. Blood shot to her cheeks as she fought hard to control the symptom of embarrassment.

"I'm thinking you're going to come to the party."

"I'm thinking you're right."

Four days.

Groan.

Four freaking days.

The first day was completely uneventful, and by the time it was over, Ren had thoughts of choosing a basement and hiding in it until these four torturous days were passed.

That is, until she was walking to school on the second day. It was bright, the birds were chirping, autumn was beginning, the day was crisply cool, and there was some wonderful man shadowing her. Oh, fantastic. A stalker.

No, he wasn't a stalker. He followed her all the way to school, giving her enough time to exclaim that she "forgot her cell phone" at home and make a mad dash for her house, startling the man and neglecting to give him enough time to hide before she caught a glimpse of his appearance. He was young; looked to be in his twenties. Boyish complexion, dark and messy hair, and...Oh, that's right. He was wearing a suit.

At that moment, it became clear to her. Someone was having her investigated. As soon as she thought the word "investigated" tangibly inside her mind, the identity of that someone became clear, and she was deeply confused. L had made it quite clear that she was not under the least bit of suspicion. And yet, what else had she done to justify an investigation, apart from talking to the number one detective in the world? Nothing. So, it had to be him.

For two days she continued to observe her stalker. For two days, he did nothing but follow her inconspicuously. On the day before the night of the party, Ren confronted the detective about it.

It was after a Psychoanalysis class, and on the way to the library to study for her test in Global Geography, that she encountered him. Drinking from the water fountain in a precarious pose, his eyes shifting around nervously, L looked even weirder today than was usual. Ren took a deep breath for courage and marched up to him.

"Why are you having me investigated?" she asked, her lungs almost failing. Her air supply seemed to be running out oddly fast today. Ren observed many different emotions flash across his face as L kept drinking his water. At first, just a hint of surprise, then fear, then anger, then indifference. He didn't look at all as if he were about to answer her question, so it unhinged her when he did.

"I suspect you of being the second Kira."

"What!" Ren hissed through her teeth to avoid shouting out loud.

"You know too much. Maybe not too much, but more than I expected." He fell silent for a moment, just gazing at her through the black pits that she supposed might have been his irises...but could have just been more orifices. That...would be creepy. "It is just...too convenient, I suppose. I have no real evidence to go on or an actual behavioral or statistical reason to suspect you...and yet, your connection with Sayu Yagami and your profound interest in the Kira investigation and myself are far too suspicious to be ignored."

Ren peered at him through narrowed eyes, unconvinced.

"What you just spouted at me, Ryuuga, dare I say it, was complete bull." L honestly looked unabashed, as though he himself had known that the words meant nothing but nonsense. "I'm actually surprised you thought that would work on me. All you really said, hidden behind some complicated diction, was that I was suspicious. Thus far, you have proven to me that you have no reason to be suspicious of me as had you suspected me, you would have taken me into custody long ago."

L couldn't help but let a twitch travel through his pale lips – the attempt of a smile by his emotionless brainwaves. It did not go unnoticed.

"You socially isolated son of a gun." Ren cursed herself internally for not realizing it sooner. She might even have had the gall to tell herself "duh." "You tricked me. Of course you knew that was complete B.S. You just used it to waist time until I would be desperate enough to get to class." It was now five minutes after the ring of the designated "late" bell. Ren, being an overachiever under the surface, known well by L, could not stand to be more than five minutes late.

As she stalked off, Ren reflected on the ultimate uselessness of the conversation implemented between the two of them, and wondered, yet again, what the real reason was for his investigation into her personal life.

That night, she was a mess. It was tearing her apart. This "investigator", A.K.A. her stalker, gave no clues as to what he was actually investigating, and it left only one assumption left: he was investigating everything. Everything from what poor victim Ren was chatting up to which bathroom stall she chose to tinkle in after school. That part was especially disturbing. Obviously, L had told his little buddy to hold no inhibitions about his investigation, including stepping into the forbidden territory that was the girl's bathroom. Honestly, Ren thought to herself, men aren't supposed to tread there unless drunk or invited by a girl, or both.

As the ownership of a vehicle was currently denied to her due to lack of finances, Ren caught a ride with one of her "victims." Halfway through opening the car door after arriving at the designated party house, Ren glimpsed a very odd sight out of the corner of her eye, yet the only emotion she could think to feel at the moment was glee. L had come. In a very conspicuous and eye-catching black business car he had come, yet she could not be happier. Half of her was considering walking strait back home had he not made an appearance.

Wait, what? Ren ran over her mental words to herself and found that she had made no mistake. She had heard herself perfectly. So, she wondered to herself, just when had L become such a distinctly governing factor in her apparently otherwise dull life?

She approached him in her full party-attire – slacks and a faded T-shirt – and proceeded to interrogate him. No...Chinese water torture would be a better description for what she had in store.

"So...I can only assume that, considering you aren't suspicious of me, at least on the topic of the Kira investigation, you have suddenly developed an irrational and uncontainable infatuation with me."

"If you are trying to convince me to tell you why I am having you investigated, I am afraid you will have to come up with a better argument than an appeal to ethos. I am, as I am sure you have noticed, exceedingly arrogant with no underlying case of ineptitude, and will not be swayed by induced embarrassment."

Ren was slightly hurt. She had believed that to be a good shot, but it appeared that she was going to have to pull out the big guns for this war. The big guns referred to were decidedly dropped when they stepped over the threshold of the house.

There were noises everywhere – talking, laughing, loud music, occasional loud banging...L had been right. He was forever glad that he had never been persuaded to attend one of these...things...prior to the present situation. There was no way anyone could have something resembling a conversation within these walls. This was proved by the pointless giggling at conceivably nothing, the loud sucking noises that accompanied couples presumably trying to eat each other, and the mindless grinding to mindless music that nearly drove L insane with mindlessness.

Ren at this point was used to dropping her intellectuality at the scene of a college party, and immediately joined the fray, which L avoided like he would a vegetable.

Something occurred to L, then. If he was correct in his thinking that the second Kira was obviously less talented than the first, then it would be easy to convince this person to attend a party such as this. Of the first Kira, he was convinced of exactly the opposite. Light, or anyone else qualified for the position of Kira, would never attend a gathering of this magnitude without a specific and relevant purpose, and especially not in the company of the second, again, without a specific goal. It was too absurd to even consider that the second was able to convince the first to attend. If they were indeed both present, it was because of a potential gain that could be made by the real Kira.

So, what? What could Kira possibly have to gain...

No. That couldn't be it. It was just...but, it was. How could he have been so careless?

Light knew that L would attend the party if Light himself attended. The mention of Light's new "girlfriend" by Ren was planned out by Light, the look of shock that flitted across his face just after this mention – it was all a manipulation. Just to get L to come. It was a set up. That must have meant that the second Kira was here somewhere. A second of panic unleashed itself upon the detective before being abruptly tossed out by reason. Light, in his brilliant scheme, had failed to recognize the position he had landed himself in.

Sure enough, a thin, bubbly and blonde pop star was standing in the middle of a crowd of chattering people. L quickly formulated a plan. He would steal her cell phone, which unless the two Kira suspects, Light and this flake, had some sort of telepathy, would stop Light from contacting her to give her the instruction to kill him. By the time he had the task force phoned and the suspicion placed on "Misa-Misa" as the second Kira, Light would be talking to L on Misa's phone instead of Misa. By the time Light caught on to what L had done, the task force would be on their way to take Misa into custody.

L carried out his plan without flaw. There was only one thing wrong.

"R-ryuuzaki?" Light's voice sounded slightly distorted from the other end of the line, truly surprised. "What are you doing with Misa's cell?"

"I should be asking what you are doing calling her when you two are in the same building," L answered flatly. The man in front of L turned around swiftly, a cell phone in his hand and his face a mask of innocent surprise. Light looked at L with a hidden anger and frustration behind his eyes.

"It's a big house. I was trying to find her," Light explained calmly, auburn eyes giving nothing away.

"My apologies. She must have dropped her cell phone in the crowd. More importantly, is this Misa you are referring to the girlfriend I keep hearing about?"

"She's...infatuated with me. We're dating, yes."

"Fair enough," L said, keeping his eyes locked on Light. The college student turned and walked away slowly. L quickly phoned the task force, telling them exactly what he had planned out in his head. As the preparations were finalized, Light had turned back around, barely having moved a foot. He had heard every word that was uttered. L's phone conversation and the explanation that followed.

"I want you to know that Misa Amane is under arrest for suspicion of being the second Kira." That was all L said before turning his back on Light's thunderstruck face.

That was when the fallacy occurred to him.

Light had specifically said that Misa was infatuated with him, and that they were dating. In no words or impression had he conveyed the presence of mutual feeling. A relationship such as this fit the Kira identity perfectly. So why had he given such a crucial piece of information away? Unless...unless it was always Light's intention for Misa to be arrested under L's suspicion. That wouldn't make any sense, though. It was a move that had no benefit on Light's part, if he were in fact Kira. It was a move that would only give rise to suspicion of Light being Kira. L had put Light in a position that compromised his presumed plan. Any comfort Light had must have been in a plan that L had failed to anticipate. Light could no longer tell Misa to kill L. He was cornered. Because of their connection, now that Misa was under arrest, he was soon to follow. So how could he afford to let something like this slip? The only reason L could think of was to create a distraction...but from what?

For the second time that night, L felt panic-stricken. The sickly-sweet smell of marijuana wasn't helping, but the panic coursing through his veins was due to the sight of the person Misa was talking to. Now he had to think faster than ever before.

The task force must have been close. He was going to have to count on this. With this single strand of hope, he managed to stop Misa from walking away from Ren.

"Please, Ren, will you introduce me to your friend?" L asked politely, trying his hardest to send a message to Ren with his expression, but unfortunately, this parasitic environment had sapped any intuition and intelligence she might have retained from the dance floor. She merely turned around with a goofy smile on her face.

"Oh, Ryuuga, you haven't met Misa-Misa yet?" she nearly screamed. "She is Light's new girlfriend! Didn't you know? Oh, she's just sooooo cute! You have to meet her!" Ren took his arm and jerked L closer to the blonde bombshell. L feigned surprise upon meeting Misa.

"I didn't know that Light had a girlfriend," L said, moderately louder than he preferred to talk. If anything should have given Ren a hint, it was this. Had this been a normal situation, he would not have purposely said something out of the normal to tip her off. Ren knew full well that L had nothing to gain from pretending he didn't know about Light's recent relationships. Frustratingly, however, Ren seemed to have melted into a sack of blood, bones, and alcohol.

"Oh? Do you know my Light?" Misa asked sweetly, batting her oversized eyelashes. She really was every concept that society today considered beautiful. No wonder her fame was rising so quickly.

"Yes. We are...acquaintances. How is your relationship going?"

"It's fine. Listen, I'm sorry, but I have to take a call. Will you excuse me for a second?" she asked, smiling innocently. L pushed his mind into overdrive, thinking extremely quickly. Misa kept glancing back at Ren, who was still stewing in the dead brain cells she had recently accumulated, and was just about to flip open her cell phone – why did she have a cell phone? It must have been an extra one. L became desperate. Before he knew what he was doing, his lips were on hers.

Ren tasted of some fruity alcohol concoction. Probably something a college boy had slipped her. It was, quite frankly, disgusting. Wet. Sloppy. Ren turned to mush in his arms, completely lost as to what was happening. Somewhere along the way, she may have even fainted. He wasn't sure. He was too concentrated on wishing for the kiss to end as soon as possible, for Misa to keep her wide eyes locked on the two of them, and for the task force to burst through the door at any moment. After what seemed like the longest moments of his life, there was a knock on the door, and then an earsplitting bang as the door was broken through.

It was a very long ride home. Ren ended up puking all over the back seat when being escorted back to task force headquarters. L insisted they spend twenty minutes airing out the car as well as washing the corner of his shirt that was unfortunately plagued with a splatter of the digested concoction. By the time they hauled the rag doll that was Ren back into the car, the moon was shining bright, and Misa Amane was on her way to headquarters in handcuffs. Light was accompanying her.

Ren slouched in her seat, eyes rolling into the back of her head. She was obviously beyond drunk, but he had a feeling she had sobered up upon throwing up all the alcohol in her stomach. By now, she was just reeling with dizziness and a screwed up sense of direction. He was fairly sure she had her mind back by now. He figured that now would be a good time to start explaining.

"You wanted to know why I was having you investigated," L said softly, randomly wondering to himself how Ren had possibly gotten so drunk in the mere hour they had been there. She turned to look at him through dark-shadowed eyes and a greasy mop of hair that was obscuring half of her face. "You asked the wrong question, unfortunately. You should have asked why I was having you **followed**. Investigation had nothing to do with it." Ren gave a small nod to indicate she understood. Speech may have been beyond her capacity at the moment.

"It was for your own safety." L sighed deeply and had another random thought. A drink sounded really nice right about now – just to ease some of the tension that the night had brought. "You didn't notice. You were too caught up in your fascination with me. If you had bothered to pay attention for the past few weeks, you would have noticed Light's increasing attention directed towards you. I was having you followed because I believed that you were in danger. If Light were Kira, then he would automatically consider anyone with enough of a connection to me a threat. You were especially potent prey because of your friendship with his sister. One way or another, he knew you would be a problem for him.

"Tonight, I thought his goal was only to let the second Kira, Misa, see my face and to instruct her to kill me. I didn't count on killing you as being a part of his plans. I question whether he ever intended to kill me at all. I do imagine, though, that his plan was to kill the both of us in an accident of some sort."

"So...the..." Ren could barely manage to choke out words, but L knew immediately what she was getting at.

"I knew the second Kira was feeble minded. I also knew she was a pop-star and a female, and easily distracted by romance, due to her infatuation with Light Yagami. The kiss was a desperate attempt on my part, and had I had more time to think, I might have come up with a better plan. I deeply regret any misconceptions the kiss may have created. If I had been able to think of an alternative, I would have."

She looked relieved at first glance. L didn't want to look any deeper than that, lest he discover something troublesome. He did not want anything to change between the two of them. He had no time for an admirer – especially one that would now be under surveillance every hour of every day.

Looking quite uncomfortable, L handed her a slip of paper – a business card.

"The address is one you can go to if you are ever in trouble, and there is no one there to help you."

"So...I take it I am still going to be followed," Ren croaked, depositing the card into her pocket with a violently shaking hand. L nodded. The car slowed and wheeled to a steady stop. The door outside opened.

Watari, whom Ren merely regarded as the driver of L's car considering her limited knowledge of L's personal life, walked Ren gently to the door of her house. Ren strained to look over her shoulder. L was waiting patiently by the car, watching them proceed. Watari knocked on the door, and it opened to the sight of her father, looking worried and welcoming her inside with open arms.

The rest became a blur.

After a week, it was final. Light and "Ryuuga" were never coming back to school. Ren recalled the night vaguely. She barely remembered that she was in danger. From that point on, her life was nothing but normal. And she hated it.

L had nearly been qualified enough to be hermit. Ren preyed on social awkwardness. He was like some kind of life-threatening but irresistible drug to her that had been abruptly taken away. It was like having Christmas come early and then finding out that Santa was recently shot in the face. It sucked. For weeks afterwards, she became slightly depressed. She tried to cover it by joining the Lacrosse team and focusing as hard as she could on trying to kill herself at practice every day, but was succeeding in nothing but multiplying her fitness level. When she went home every night, she was still unable to do anything she used to do. She couldn't write, she couldn't draw, and worst of all, she couldn't make herself do homework. Her grades were dropping. The only way she hung onto them was by reminding herself of the sports requirement. If she failed a class, she wouldn't be allowed to torture herself every day after school, and she enjoyed that very much.

One fateful day, however, when she was once again pacing her room, trying to kick herself mentally into doing something productive, Ren glimpsed a twinkle out of the corner of her eye. She froze.

L was sitting in front of the many computer screens that adorned his dessert-laden desk. He was thinking. It was late – too late to really be doing anything else. Everybody else had already gone to bed. The cake he was eating was turning stale in his mouth. Never had cake failed him so. It could cure the worst of boredom and entice his brain to think even when sleep was fighting hard to take over. Now, however, nothing was helping. He was so...bored.

Then, something happened. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flicker of movement. He glanced up. It was nothing, just Light turning over in his bed inside the prison cell. Upon looking up, however, he noticed something else – something far more significant.

Ren had stopped pacing. She was crawling over her bed towards something in one frame. In the other, she was crawling right towards the screen. The viewing window shifted then was put back in place. She had picked up the camera and set it down again, peering suspiciously at it. A look of realization lit up her face.

She figured it out, L thought. She found one of the cameras. Sure enough, she was soon speaking to, as it would seem to anyone else, no one.

"I know you're watching." L inhaled sharply, wondering why he was so damn nervous. It wasn't like this was bad news. It might be troublesome for someone with emotional attachments to a girl like Ren, but he had long gotten over emotional attachments to the female species. L wasn't exactly sure that he had ever really had them.

"Honestly, cameras? I've undressed in this room. I'd say that's a serious invasion of privacy." A smile crept threateningly to L's mouth. That wasn't funny. At least, it wasn't supposed to be. Yet, before he knew it, a small guttural sound had forced its way through his throat and out into the open. He had laughed. It wasn't a cynical chuckle or even a laugh he sometimes emitted when he was thinking of something especially exciting. It had been a genuine laugh. When did I become so light-hearted? L asked himself with disbelief. That had nearly never happened before.

Ren was showing the very brief signs of a smile – a twitch at her lips and brightness in her eyes that had been nonexistent for a very long time.

"Your freaking camera was so tiny. It was a pain to find," she rambled. L hated rambling, but for some strange and paranormal reason, he wasn't minding it at the present. What else was she supposed to do when talking to something that couldn't respond?

"Listen, L." She used his detective name. It didn't matter anymore – they weren't at community college. It was weird, though. The breath flew out of him as if pulled by some invisible force, and he had to cough violently to regain control of his lungs. He didn't miss a word she said.

"I have a Lacrosse game soon...this Saturday, actually. I know your 'headquarters' are nearby, because Light was part of your little organization or investigation or whatever, and his house is a few blocks away from mine. I want desperately to say that I need to see you, but I know you wouldn't buy it. At any rate, the game is on the football field. That's behind the school, in case you were wondering. I know you probably don't even know what Lacrosse is, but if you get bored...well, I hope you don't get bored." L almost laughed again at her blatant sarcasm, then had to reprimand himself mentally. What was wrong with him?

He did know what Lacrosse was, though. He had been present for every conversation that had taken place in her house. It was all she talked about with her father for weeks. If he didn't know her better, he would have sworn she was way too enthusiastic about the sport. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something was wrong with her. It also didn't take a genius to know what.

It was wrong. It was all so wrong. She was only a girl. She just met him in college. They weren't close. She rarely impressed him. He respected her somewhat, but not enough to have feelings this strong. Why, then? Why, whenever he caught sight of her eyes, deprived of sleep and looking almost as dark as his these days, when he watched her walk about her room like a zombie, aimlessly putting off her homework that now piled higher than the tower of his stupid headquarters, when he saw her forcibly look at herself in the mirror with an expression of mirth so fake that he couldn't believe it was her acting skills that had produced it, when he watched her peel off her clothes countless times with bated breath, wondering why he wasn't able to look away, wondering why it entranced him so, did he feel his stomach collapse and his lungs close and his head ache intensely in an emotion that could only be described by critical self-hatred?

Maybe he was just really, really, really bored.

Or maybe it was something else entirely.

"It's the most talked about game of the season, Ren. You have got to be nervous. I mean, come on. These are the panthers, for god's sake! If we don't beat them, we'll have hell to pay at school on Monday."

Hiata, though not exactly the popular one in school, was respected in sports. She had a kind and peaceful personality, but when she was thrown into a Lacrosse game, she would tear the other team limb from limb before she let them get past her.

Despite the cold day, the Lacrosse girls were stewing in their socks with anticipation. Most of them had taken off their under armor for the game. They usually wore the wool underclothing for cold days, but to take off the protective gear was something of an intimidating gesture to the other team. It was like saying, "can you stand the cold? Because we can." The panthers were not just a rival school for the girls – they were _the_ rival school. Intimidation was key. In order to try (and fail) to look tough, the girls had also painted their bodies with war paint, leaving no skin untouched. Barely recognizable, they were now passing back and fourth to warm up. Hiata was on her game like L on a piece of cake today. She was determined to win. Ren's focus was elsewhere, and she was badly blundering many passes and catches.

"Hey, Ren," said a voice from behind her after she had accidentally catapulted the ball halfway across the field. The coach tapped her on the pack and gave her an affectionate punch on the arm. "Get your head in the game, all right?" Ren beamed at the woman and said she'd do her best. "I want you to walk off the field proud of yourself. That's all I need from you." Ren nodded again and turned back around. The coach was right. Today would be the day that she would succeed in killing herself, metaphorically of course. She would play until she were dead.

The game began. Ren scanned the crowd without any real hope of seeing the one face she had invited among the faces that had come to support her. There was no one. She didn't care. She had drilled hopelessness into her brain until it hurt so that she wouldn't be distracted for today's game.

In a few minutes, the coach plugged her in for a girl that had been checked illegally in the cranium and was now trying unsuccessfully to hold in tears of agony. The injury had obviously been intentional on the Panther team member's part. Ren, as well as every other member of her team, was infuriated and ready for the kill. She thanked whoever was watching over her for the chance to get in the game and draw some blood.

As soon as her cleats touched the field, Ren was off. The girl that had made the illegal check was on offense, and Ren had just been put in a defensive spot, meaning that their positions would be sure to clash. It seemed like an eternity before the Panthers made it down to Ren's side of the field again. Immediately, Ren marked her prey and stuck to the girl she wanted to get revenge on so badly like glue. When the ball was passed to her prey, Ren found her chance, leaping in front of her and snatching the pass out of the way. Before the girl had time to check her illegally as well, Ren was off down the field and passing the ball to her team's offense. On her way back to her position on defense, she smiled sadistically to her chosen prey. The girl was infuriated, and Ren loved it. Revenge felt... good; satisfying.

At halftime, the coach threw Ren into a defensive wing position due to another injury on the team. Ren smiled enthusiastically when the coach announced this, and felt fire explode in her body. She was about to get the chance to (metaphorically, of course), kill herself.

She ran. She ran, and ran, and ran, and used every skill she had learned since the beginning of the season, and when it wasn't enough, she ran some more. Her body was feeling as if on crystal meth, her heart beating a mile a minute, and she knew it. Her legs were shaking, her hands could barely grip her Lacrosse stick, and her body was covered in sweat. The world was reeling, the light shining brighter than it should have, and a clenching feeling in her stomach confirmed what she already believed. She was about to pass out. Her mind, however, could defeat anything her body threw at her. The mind could do amazing things – something she learned from L.

So, she ran some more. She jumped some more. She checked, never illegally, but always successfully. This made the other team angry and sloppy. Their defense was breaking down. She scored. She assisted. And then, when there were only five minutes left in the game, she stopped.

It was when the ball was down on the Panther's defensive side. Ren was currently running the restraining line, watching carefully for any sign that the Panther's defense was going to win. On the sidelines, however, a glimpse out of the corner of her eye distracted her attention completely away from this task. It...it was him. There he was, as clear as day. Her mind went blank, she stopped breathing. Unfortunately, this reaction to seeing L on the sidelines also destroyed the stronghold her mind had secured on her body, and soon, the world was spinning, slowly darkening. She could hear shouts, people, footfalls, and soon, nothing.

In what seemed like only a few seconds later, she awoke feeling extremely woozy, a familiar clenching in her stomach. She now recognized it for what it was and immediately pushed whoever was supporting her away, crawling desperately over to the side of the field to empty her gut of its churned up contents.

She moaned helplessly, annoyed that the vomit had gotten in her hair. She reasoned with herself, though, that she couldn't complain. Her stomach was no longer complaining, and her limbs weren't shaking.

"Wh...where's my..."

A hand grasped hers and pulled her to her feet, placing a cold water bottle in her other hand and forcing it to her lips. She drank thankfully, washing down the taste of bile that was covering her mouth. Using the bottle, she rinsed the vomit out of her hair and tied it securely back on her neck. After this was performed, she trusted herself once again to pay attention to what was happening.

"What the—!"

"Shhhh." L had pressed a slender finger to her lips, supporting her back as though afraid she would collapse on him again. The hand that had given her the water bottle had been his. He was wearing some sort of animal mask usually reserved for Japanese festivals, apparently confident that this would disguise him. When he took his hand away from her lips and let go of her, Ren was silent. She had enough strength to stand, but that was about it.

"Wh...why...what?" she stammered, peering at him as though he was a new species of fish with two legs and lungs. L's black eyes stared back at her through the holes in the mask, having taken on a new intensity and vibrancy since the last time she had seen them.

"Your coach is calling you," L said quietly, gesturing to the sidelines just a few paces away. Ren blinked. Had time stood still? That is certainly what it had seemed like. She hadn't been able to hear anything but what L had said before now. Her body was at first stubborn to move, but eventually she snapped out of it and reluctantly approached her coach. Before she knew it, the game was over and she was cheering along with the rest of the team. The uplifting environment created momentary distractions, and through those distractions, L managed to slip away before Ren had a chance to break away from the crowd.

"Ryuuzaki." L had believed he had entered the building as silently as a kitten, but apparently this wasn't so. The task force was sitting in the main lobby, their eyes locked on him.

"Where have you been? We woke up after you told us to get some sleep and you were gone!" Matsuda exclaimed worriedly.

"Am I not allowed to have a social life?" L questioned innocently, passing by the group of Japanese police officers. The men stared at him as if he had suddenly lost an eyeball.

"Well...actually, no," answered Aizawa.

"In that case, my deepest apologies," L remarked, bowing respectfully to the officer, then proceeding to his chair. He eyeballed the security screens and immediately looked at the screen that showed Ren's bedroom. She was sitting on the bed, looking at her watch. A minute passed until she finally looked up.

With the task force behind him, L watched the screen intently.

"You should be there by now, L," Ren exclaimed, looking at the camera. L did not react. It would be easy for her to calculate the time it took for him to travel from the Lacrosse field to task force headquarters, provided she had the address, which she did, he reasoned. "What the hell were you thinking? Surprising me in the middle of a game like that? I lost my concentration."

"That wouldn't usually cause one to faint," L replied mindlessly, uncaring that he was speaking to a computer screen that didn't have any responses for him. Ren didn't seem to care when she did so. Somehow, though, Ren seemed to anticipate what his thought direction would be.

"I know what you're thinking. Why'd I faint? Well, it wasn't out of obsessive infatuation, if that's what you're thinking. Like I said, you broke my focus. That focus was the only thing holding me together. Thanks a whole lot."

L still didn't fully understand, but decided to let it go. The task force behind him was a pack of puzzled heads, shaking in unison.

"Some social life," Mogi whispered to Aizawa. "I never though I'd say this, but I think L has a girlfriend." Aizawa shook his head in disbelief.

" I refuse to believe it. I haven't reached that level of insanity quite yet," Aizawa replied.

"Oh, and by the way, you left your boxers in the back seat of my car. I'll return them when you come back for a second round." L and the others sat stunned right down to their polished black shoes, and wriggley toes in L's case.

"Underwear, Aizawa," Mogi said, his eyes watering from lack of blinking. "What more proof do you need?"

"I'm officially insane," Aizawa concluded.

Then, L's mind snapped back into place. "She doesn't have a car," he explained to the task force, and a relieved sigh passed through the group, followed by an awkward silence. On the screen, Ren had her back to the camera, laughing to herself hysterically.

"I thought your team would get a kick out of that," she said upon recovering her composure. Then, she said no more, her face retiring into a frown. The task force, after hours of discussing clues and plans with L, finally went home for the night. Light was immobile in his prison cell. L began to ponder the strange shift in Light's behavior upon his imprisonment, and continued to do so until something very odd happened. He lost his focus. L's mind began to drift, dragging his eyes along with it, until he was thinking and staring at the lonely college girl in her room. She was...getting ready for bed. Peeling off her clothes, garment by garment, she was slowly undressing before his prying eyes. Like a helpless and perverted old man, he glued his eyes on her exquisite form. In all actuality, her body was rather plain, a bit too skinny, and flabby in places that were not appealing. It looked harshly overexerted. Yet, despite this stream of logic that was entering his brain, he managed to let it pass from one ear to the other without consideration of the implications. He couldn't think of anything else.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when her pajama top was finally covering ever inch of skin on her upper body. Then, the logic streams rushed in, and a wave of shame, regret, and anger washed through him. He felt foolish. Had that been his imagination? Or had L really turned into an obsessive peeping tom? He couldn't believe his own memory, and thought for a moment that he had just been visited by a delusion.

She began to speak, then, and his mind was latched on to her every word at once.

"L...I don't care if you're really listening to me, but I want to confess something." It didn't sound like she didn't _care _if he was listening to her or not, but rather as if she wished he _weren't_ listening, as if she truly wanted to make this confession to an empty room.

"I lied."

L snorted. That was a laugh. If she had lied to him about anything, he would have known. Then again, he thought, that might not be entirely true. She was very good at acting. He had seen it first hand.

"Do you remember the day we first met? Probably not," she muttered quietly, almost indiscernibly. At this moment, L observed the dropping of something he hadn't even known existed: her shield. He was so sure that strength was a natural part of Ren's personality, but it wasn't the message he was getting now. It must have been something to do with the confession she was making. She continued, "Anyway, on that day, I told you a theory I had about myself, and my reason for being who I am. Well, that was all bull. I don't know if you knew this already. Probably. You're smart enough."

Apparently not, L thought to himself irritably.

"My reason for being who I am...it is not because people interest me...it isn't even for the challenge, however much I do enjoy that..."

L was growing tired. Get to the point, he thought. She was rambling again, only this time, he didn't have as much tolerance for it.

"The truth is, my existence is based off of what other people think."

Quiet.

Creaking sound.

Shower running in Ren's house.

Dog barking.

Time passing.

"I'm too sensitive. That's what Mom always said. She was right."

More time passing.

L's chair squeaking.

Computer screens flickering.

Silence.

Stupid.

What was I thinking? I'm a detective.

"I'm pathetic. I'm desperate for the favor of others. _All_ others. Especially you."

Nothing.

No sounds.

No thoughts.

No breath.

Just the monitor.

"I'm so pathetic."

At that moment, L had a strong impulse to reach out and caress the thin, gaunt face that appeared for the first time to him as really belonging to a person. It was so careworn; so old. She was slowly dying, slowly crumbling inside, and it had taken him so long to see it.

She had faced her greatest challenge in him.

And he had abandoned her.

Ren looked up at the camera, her eyes filled with unsurpassed self hatred. They were the eyes he knew, that were familiar; the ones he used to see every day and had grown accustomed to. Yet, they were different. They lacked the shine that he used to look forward to spotting when she was savoring a particularly juicy challenge. She was the same person, but she was no longer wearing a mask.

"Ren!" a shout came from downstairs. Her head swiveled to look towards the door. It was her father's voice. She dried the collective moisture on her face and put the mask carefully back on, smoothing her shirt and smiling in preparation.

The conversation that followed was relatively simple, yet L had very strong feelings that there was more to it than met the eye, and even stronger feelings that this "more" had something to do with what had just turned the world upside down. Her father was leaving for America. He had a different family there, and he was going to visit. He assured his daughter that it wouldn't take more than two weeks. She nodded, smiled, and wished him a good trip.

"Are you taking a video camera?" Ren asked. L saw a flicker of a very strange look pass over her father's face, but Ren didn't show any sign that she'd noticed.

"No, I'm taking a regular camera," the man said politely. He was the sweet, old sort of man that was seen in photographs bouncing children on his knees and wearing a bowler hat.

"Bring back pictures, okay?" Ren said enthusiastically. "I haven't seen my step sister in so long, and I want to know how she's doing. Maybe one day, I'll even be able to visit." There was that look again, from her father. It passed just as quickly as the last had.

"We'll see."

He was leaving early tomorrow, and as such they said their good-byes and each left for bed.

That night, L didn't sleep. He usually didn't sleep, but this was a different sort of insomnia. Not once, throughout the entire night of observing, did L think about the Kira case.

Because Ren couldn't sleep either. Usually she was like a magnet for sleep. Her head would hit the pillow, and five seconds later she would appear to be forever silent, as if her spirit had fled its body and gone somewhere far away to rest. Just watching her sleep would usually coax L gently into dreamland himself, however hard he resisted. Whatever Ren did had a profound effect on L, and it was starting to get on his nerves, like tonight. She was tossing and turning in her covers, agitated, stressed. Something was causing Ren great disquiet, and because of it, L couldn't sit still either. Something was very wrong.

Ren woke up the next morning still exhausted. She couldn't have slept more than two hours through the previous night. She tried to tell herself that he would keep his word. That he would be back. No dice. Her father had just been far too suspicious, in far too many ways, and she knew exactly why. It was a mistake to allow herself to cling to any amount of hope, and yet, she couldn't help it. He wouldn't leave her now, he really wouldn't. She was only a freshman in college. He wouldn't.

She needed to do something now. Something even remotely interesting. She would rob a bank. No, that was stupid. Ren giggled to herself. Yeah, she was definitely going to go insane cooped up in the house. There had to be some sort of appointment she had turned down for today. It was a Sunday. People did things on Sunday, right? There had to be something.

She heaved open the refrigerator door and grabbed a bagel, tearing into it hungrily. She pulled on some jeans and a jacket and flew out the door, into her car, and right into the heart of the city.

Shopping was something that always made a person feel better. And shopping, combined with a couple of girlfriends and a homosexual guy friend...well, within an hour of hanging out with them, Ren was cured of her blues.

"Hey, guys?" Jared said breathlessly, bringing his long monologue about his latest boyfriend to a standstill and jerking awake the three girls who had been trying their best to be enthusiastic about it. "I need some hot lingerie for Kosan." That sentence alone was enough to make the three girls burst into giggles and fail at any attempt to stay on their feet.

"I don't think they really have lingerie stores for men."

"If they did, what would it be called?" Ren wondered aloud.

"Victor's secret would be my guess."

"What exactly is Victor's secret?"

"He's probably having an affair with Kosan."

"What?"

They went around the mall about three times before finally choosing a store.

"Hey, Jared, there's a miniskirt. Maybe your boyfriend will like that?"

"Gasp! Ren! You have to try this shirt on!"

"Do I?"

"Are you done yet, Ren? I want to see!"

"Not quite, Jared!"

"Hold on then, I'm coming in!"

"Jared! I'm naked!"

"So? I'm gay!"

"You're still a man!"

"Some would question that..."

When the light outside finally grew dim, they began to walk back to the parking lot where their car lay in wait. The four friends looked like they'd been at the bar all day to passersby. But they really didn't care. Ren was happy. The others were happy. Everything was right with the world.

"Hey, man, shut up!"

Ren caught this snippet of conversation out of the dregs of hearing she had left after being around screaming girls all afternoon. It sounded serious. There was a girl, and she was threatening a man that looked to be about the same age. The man looked in his late twenties, where as the girl couldn't have been older than eighteen. The classic "red-light district" situation was the first thing that came to Ren's mind. Yet this conversation appeared to delve deeper.

"There are cops everywhere. You have to be discreet. Now, all you have to do is stand here until nightfall. Look like a drifter, some homeless dude...and night is when most of the people come looking, so be ready. You've got it, right?"

The man nodded in response, and fruitlessly attempted to still his prowling eyes. He was very nervous about something.

"If the customers get too rough, one in the air will calm them right down. You got it?"

The man nodded again. The girl sighed and plunged her hand into her jacket pocket to salvage a cigarette. Lighting it, she inhaled and blew out a puff of smoke, shuddering with content. Definitely a hooker. But also definitely, as far as Ren could understand, a drug dealer.

"Do this for three nights strait, give me everything you make, and we're square. You got it?"

She was extremely irksome, what with the way she dressed, smelled, and talked, but one thing was certain. This hooker knew her facts, and she seemed to be the real deal. She held out her bony hand and dropped a tiny key in the man's palm, fixing her green, bulbous eyes on him.

"Leave the money in this apartment. I'll know if you steal anything. Bye." With that, she turned and disappeared into an alleyway, leaving the timid-looking man shaking all by himself. He looked as if he belonged in a cereal factory or an accounting firm; anything, really, besides on the street in the slums dealing illegal drugs.

"Ren, what in the hell are you doing?"

Her friends had traveled about one hundred yards before realizing she wasn't chatting anymore, and they had turned around and were calling to her, puzzled.

"Nothing! I'm coming!"

"Space cadet," muttered Jared as the four resumed their conversation about macaroni and the strange things Americans did with free time.

Friends are gone. Just left in that car. Home. Not home anymore. Can't go home. Need food. Must go home.

Ren groaned. She hated it. Hated everything. Walked. Sat on the couch. Tossed a ball around. Got up. Grabbed a glass of juice. Slammed the fridge door. Heard. Listened. Turned off the TV. There was a car outside. She bolted out the door. The mailman. Oh. No one even remotely interesting...

She decided reluctantly to get the stupid mail. She liked mail, normally. She hated mail, today. Hated everything. There were bills. Credit Card offers. Junk. Junk mail, to be correct. Nothing even remotely interesting. Wait, except that. A crumpled, home-style letter. Something a human had sent this house. Not a machine-mailed letter. Not junk. Ren scurried inside. It was cold. It had gotten late, and it had started snowing. She slammed the door. Sat down. Threw junk mail in the garbage. Stared at one letter in particular. Didn't want to open it. Common sense was talking. Telling her it was just a letter. Couldn't kill her. Words don't hurt. At all. They shouldn't. Especially written words. They were more impersonal.

I know this probably isn't the best time, but it had to be done.

She got up from her seat. Touched her face. Her hair was greasy. She needed a shower.

You can take care of yourself.

She scrubbed her face with cleanser. Flipped her hair. Scrubbed her hair.

You are a beautiful young woman.

She pulled on some of her tighter jeans. A sleeveless shirt. Tied her hair up.

You are smart, and you have all the talent in the world to carry you on in life.

That man. She had known what he was doing. Felt sorry for him. He was out there. Cold.

Find someone special.

Okay. Well, he had some real stuff. The police weren't likely to be too active tonight. It was cold.

Don't worry about me.

She couldn't think. Couldn't bring herself to care. Couldn't feel emotion or even anticipation.

I have a family that needs me more than you do.

She could catch a bus. She didn't need a car. A bus was warmer. And cheaper.

Your sister...she's a child who never knew her father, and though I may be heading into a dead end, I have to try.

Ren threw on a coat, perfectly aware of how cold it was outside. She grabbed some money from the jar hidden beneath a loose floorboard in her room. She had saved up a lot from her job. She'd only worked at a bookstore, but she hadn't counted the money as she made it. It had piled up.

Please understand.

The air was frightfully frosty, and luckily the bus was already at its station a mere block from her front door. She was blessed.

You can read people like books, so I know you will understand how I feel.

Arrogant. Conniving. Clever. Endearing. Condescending. Intimidating. Wise. Chilling. Unnerving. Soothing. Formidable. Dubious. Ever dissident. He was the only one that she hadn't felt she was required to cushion and comfort and...take care of. It had been the other way around. For the first time in a long time, someone had been there to take care of...her. Even though her father had not done the same, he had given her a confidence that she would always have someone to come home to.

The bus was warm. Lights flashed by her window. She had a seat all to herself, and there was a heater in the seat in front of her, creating just the right atmosphere. There was soft music playing over the radio, something from the nineties. It was so peaceful. It was trying to tell her something. That was certain. She didn't want to listen. It was easier not to.

There were only three other people on the bus. One was a cute, black haired girl with freckles speckling her cheeks and fuzzy, stylish boots adorning her tiny feet. Another was a rather squat man listening to his mp3 player and eating a bag of potato chips. The last was siting behind her, but she had seen him upon walking in. He was wearing a suit, had black, curly hair, and looked vaguely like a cop. This would be fun. Maybe she could lead him down a dark alley. He was very cute. Deep down, every cop had the invisible desire to do reckless and illegal acts. Maybe she could coax well enough to get him to have some real fun.

That thought was out, though. She didn't really feel like losing her virginity tonight. Maybe tomorrow night.

It was about ten minutes before her stop came up. She quickly glanced out the window, her eyes scanning the pavement across the street. He was there. He was rather bundled up, and he lent against the wall inconspicuously. He pulled off the roll of a homeless street rat very well.

The man in the seat behind her had followed her off the bus. She felt her heart pounding. Was he following her? Maybe she would lead him to a hotel after all. It was better than a dark alley. Then, the thought came into her head once again. She knew what she had to do. It couldn't be avoided.

The man in the suit didn't follow her across the street. Lucky. It was probably just a coincidence in the first place.

I left you the house. The deed is in the kitchen drawer next to the fridge. The mortgage was paid off years ago. If you need money, you can call me.

Was he stupid? Ren had obtained a job at a young age. She had plenty of money. For one wild second, a ludicrous feeling erupted in the back of her throat and she laughed, quickly and bitterly. It was just so ironic.

"I need two tokes." She wasn't trying to be inconspicuous. If she had looked like she had something to hide, the cop across the street would have suspected her. The man to whom she was talking looked surprised, lifting the brim of his cap to get a better look at her. "Idiot!" she hissed, keeping complete composure of her body. "Look like you know me. Smile. Shake my hand." This man obviously was an amateur. He had no idea what he was getting in to. However, he seemed to take her seriously, opening up and shaking her hand fervently. He put on a good show, she had to admit.

"Listen, I'll take you to the boss. Now that it's dark its too dangerous to have it on me. I could get caught by people like him."

This man wasn't as dimwitted as he looked. He had obviously spotted the cop across the street, and was still smiling and gesturing to Ren as if he knew her. She nodded, laughed, and punched his arm lightly as a friend would, following his footsteps as he walked. To the cop, they would appear to be an odd couple readying for a date.

After two blocks, they dove into an alleyway behind an old kabuki theater and stopped in front of what appeared to be the backstage door. They were inside within seconds, the door locked tightly behind them.

There were four men. All very obviously drug dealers.

My number is in the phone book.

"So, Jin. You've brought a customer." There was something very suspiciously greedy about the way this man looked at Jin, as if he has always and would always own everything he owned. Jin must have been in debt to these men. That much was obvious. Ren couldn't have been luckier. It was the perfect situation for her to get her fix and get away unscathed.

In case you get into trouble, there is a shotgun in a box in the corner of the hall closet.

A man in debt is a desperate man. He will do anything to cut his leash. These words were being whispered to her, quietly, as she took in the men around her. Jin, the man in debt, would not let this go down unsuccessfully. He would be sure to get her what she wanted.

I know they're illegal, but it doesn't have any bullets. It's purely for intimidation. I know how the guys are all over you these days.

"I need two tokes. And a phone number. I'll probably be back," Ren stated without fear. The men smiled their theatrically creepy smiles at her, shifting on their cushions.

"It don't come cheap. That'll be 45,000 yen." Ren grinned at them, almost innocently, reaching her hand into her back pocket and pulling out the paper money and counting it quickly. She held it out to them like fish bait, very cautious to keep a tight hold on it.

Ren, you're a selfless girl. You would do anything to make someone happy, even if it means giving away your own happiness. I just think that, when you're feeling down, it would do you some good to do something for yourself.

She smiled. The men looked astounded that a girl in a shabby winter jacket who barely looked older than nineteen would have so much money, let alone be willing to sacrifice it for something so cheap and meaningless.

"I'll give you 30,000 yen. I can get it cheaper than 30,000 elsewhere." Once again, she'd surprised them, yet this time they looked happy about it. This concerned her. She was obviously someone they had been looking to take advantage of. Now that she had shown them that wasn't going to be the case, they shouldn't have been so happy. They should have been frustrated and disappointed. But they weren't.

"So, the lady knows something about crack, does she?" It was the same man that had spoken to Jin who spoke to her now. The other three chuckled. "I'm so glad. Hey, Jin, lock her in and you're free."

It happened so fast that Ren didn't have a second to react. The door slammed shut, apparently locked from the outside. There was no way out. She wasn't as strong as these men.

Be happy, honey. Please. You're strong, and I know you can handle this.

However, at that point, she found that she didn't care at all. Her mind was free. Her body didn't have limitations. Nothing mattered.

"Girly, we do things differently here. If you could've gotten the stuff cheaper elsewhere, you should've." It was a different guy this time, directly to her left. They appeared to be in what looked as a storage room in a broken down theater. She wondered why the theater hadn't been demolished yet. It was a small room, yet it had been cleaned out and had plenty of room for four men and their dealership headquarters.

"Challenging the boss was not a good idea," said another, the one across from her. She thought for a humorous second that this man must have been the stupidest of the four. He definitely sounded like it.

The man that had spoken first, and who seemed to be the cleverest, moved towards her. She instinctively backed up – right into the arms of the man who had until moments ago been to her left. He hooked his arm around her neck, breathing heavily in her ear in what was supposed to be a threatening manner.

I'm sorry, Ren.

She very much wanted to say something clever at the moment, tell the men just how correctly they were playing into her hands. She didn't care what happened to her. To be drugged and raped were the most degrading things that could happen to her body. And she loved it.

Instead, she knew she had to play the part of the squealing rape victim, innocent and scared. They wouldn't enjoy it otherwise. "Please!" she cried, tears of fright coming to her eyes. "What are you doing?" The men laughed, smiles curling on their lips. Inside, she matched their excitement.

I'm not coming back.

Jin was ecstatic. The girl had been stupid, thinking she was smart on the streets and that she could get her way all the time. Tonight had been _his_ night. She'd been so easy to trick, too - almost as if fate had planned it. Now, he was free. Maybe he'd go home. See his wife. Sweet little tart she was, but good for nothing but playing with. Always complaining.

Then again, maybe he wouldn't go to his wife. Maybe he'd go out tonight, celebrate his freedom with some of those brothel sluts.

In a split second, he vision was cut out, and he thought no more.

"Yeah...found...he was...have...follow..."

There was a man speaking, but Jin could only discern a couple words from the garble. Something throbbed on the back of his head, but he was too groggy to reach up and feel what it was. His vision finally came back to him after a couple minutes, and the moment he could see clearly, he knew he was in trouble.

There was a man in black in front of him, scowling behind dark glasses and talking angrily on the phone. He kept glancing down at Jin, waiting for him to wake up. Jin decided on keeping his eyes closed for a little while longer, and letting his hearing adjust first.

"He hasn't woken up yet...yes, I'll stay on the line until he does...you want me to wake him up myself?...okay, hold on..."

Jin heard sloshing noises and decided it was high time he opened his eyes. The cop was standing over him with a water bottle, poised to poor over his head.

"I'm awake," Jin snarled, glaring at the cop. The cop froze for a couple seconds before discarding the bottle on the side of the street and lifting his phone back to his ear.

"He says he's awake."

Jin was sweating now, nervous in suspense of what was to be his fate. The man on the phone nodded and glanced nonchalantly at Jin. He snapped his cell phone shut after a while and deposited it carefully in his pocket. Slowly, the man crouched down in front of Jin, peering curiously at him.

"So, tell me, Jin. What exactly happened to Ren?"

There was a clicking sound on the other line, and then, silence. Shou Wan had hung up.

He hadn't seen this coming. Her father left. She was sad. He got it. L couldn't fathom, though, how easily Ren had snapped. He really had believed she was a strong enough girl to withstand this. He wished it were so. He wished she had merely gone on a drinking binge with her friends and was now safely home sleeping. Instead, she'd followed a stranger into a dark alley, and said stranger had emerged unharmed and she was now nowhere to be seen. L didn't like surprises. He rarely got them. When he did get them, they sent a rush of blood to his head and impaired his cognitive ability by a slight amount. A very slight amount, but still, it worried him.

Worry. That was it. L didn't get worried, but this girl made him worried. What was wrong with him? Why now? The Kira case was at its most crucial point, and he was worrying about a girl. A girl! She was barely nineteen. He was now in his mid-twenties. He really was a pervert if he was actually falling in love with her.

There was no denying, however, the thrill he felt when he heard a light ringing noise and the way he jumped for the cell phone as if it were about to disappear.

"That bitch? Oh. Well, she wanted a few tokes of crack, so...I let her have them."

"Where did you leave her?" Shou Wan asked dangerously.

"In that alley back there with those bastard drug dealers. They let me go when I gave them her. I think they're a little bit lonely," the man giggled maniacally. Shou cringed away from the man. He had obviously gone a bit mental from his history of drug use, Shou thought. Or, he was hoping to be put in an asylum over jail. He'd heard of that happening.

L was going to be very dissatisfied with this. He'd have Shou's head or worse, his job, if the undercover detective didn't bring the girl back safely. Shou sighed. The famous L was lacking in priority lately, and it was effecting every aspect of the Kira investigation. He was slipping. It didn't sit well with Shou Wan.

Once he had explained the situation to L, Shou was instructed to find the location and wait for back up. Shou hung up after L had finished talking, sighing once again. Backup. L was sending backup? It made no sense. This had nothing to do with the case. This was a simple rape and drug dealer case. Nothing important when you compared it to the Kira case.

The scrawny man that caused all of this had run away while Shou had been on the phone. Good riddance, Shou thought. He's someone else's problem, now.

The detective strode quickly down the block, his shoes clacking as he went. After a couple blocks, he heard muffled screaming coming from the back end of a run down theater. Then, he did the hardest thing all policemen, detectives, or undercover agents ever had to do: wait for backup.

It was endless. The pain. It felt so good. To let her body be destroyed and defiled like this. It was delicious. The drug dealers had absolutely no sense of sympathy, and she was so very grateful. She didn't deserve sympathy. She wanted to be drowned in pain, in overwhelming cruelty. Maybe some of it was that she wanted to feel sorry for herself. Maybe that was all of it. A lot of it, still, though, was that she wanted to be with people whom she didn't have to feel sorry for. She wanted...to be released of that terrible burden.

Her face was pressed roughly against the hardwood floor, blood slamming through her veins at a dangerous pace. Her body was on fire. Half of it was drugs. Half of it was sex. By now, she couldn't really discern between the two. She moaned. She cried. They were tears of happiness. She loved this. Never wanted it to end. Never wanted the pain to stop.

A scream. Another. His hands clenched into fists, leaving welts in his own flesh where he had foolishly let the fingernails grow too long. Where was everyone?

"Shou!" A man dressed in a suit stumbled out of a car that had moments before screeched to a stop. It was Matsuda. He looked pained and worried. He obviously had some sort of emotional connection with the victim of the case. After him followed two more suits with grave looks set into their eyes. And, then, his boss emerged from the depths of the small, black business car.

The skin on his face was stretched thin and had a dangerous, unhealthy shine to it. His eyes were years of sleep deprived and his hair was unkempt and sketchy. L appeared even worse than he had the first time Shou had met the detective. That time had been a mere hour ago. In the time that followed, the flames of a place more wretched than hell appeared to have curled the shreds of his sanity into ash and begun to lick at his physical health.

"Shou. This is a small time drug dealership. You will need no more backup than this. Please proceed." Shou sighed. Those were the words that described the most gratifying thing all policemen, detectives and undercover agents ever had to do: proceed.

She looked awful. Matsuda and the others had restrained the four drug dealers easily considering their weakened and exposed state due to the infatuation effect of the drugs and the sex. They were being questioned as Shou was inspecting Ren. She was sobbing weakly on the ground, like a broken animal. She wasn't overly dramatic about it – in fact her sobbing was more like complacent tear shedding. Ren was still, her body quivering, yes, but not moving otherwise. Yet the tears were dampening her arms and her bangs, an endless flow of sorrow. There was blood on the ground. Considering it was only a small amount, Shou knew where it must have come from. It was still leaking from her...more intimate places. It always was a regular sign of rape. A virgin. No lubricant. No restraint. Likely no foreplay either. Her hymen had likely torn in many places.

Finger-shaped bruises that resembled welts were scattered across her back, the insides of her thighs, and her neck. They must have tried to strangle her somewhere in the process. Or force her to give them their pleasure orally. Her clothes were strewn about the room. Her intimate apparel had been shredded. Shou turned his attention back to her. Her life was not in any danger, but she would likely take a couple of days to stop limping, and a couple more to be back to normal physically. Mentally? There was no telling. She needed tests for STDs and other adverse affects of the sex, the drugs, and the mingling of the two.

He sensed a movement beside him and immediately swiveled toward the sound. It was L. He looked even worse up close. His eyes at the moment seemed to be storing all the pain and suffering that he had ever experienced right beneath their shining surfaces. Then Shou noticed the clothes that were gathered, all folded neatly, in L's arms. The famous detective on the edge of insanity had a strange look in his eyes as they swept over the crying girl's naked form.

"Please help me dress her." Shou stared at him. L was getting involved? It was amazing enough that the detective had come personally to the scene of the crime. He usually preferred to keep a low profile. Although he had remained outside while the rough work was being done, L had proceeded inside as soon as the last gun had been disposed of. And while outside, he had lingered unusually close to the door.

Now, however, he was doing something unheard of. He was making personal contact with the victim of the crime. He was willingly touching her, displaying himself to her, and now, as Shou observed, appearing to comfort her. L had knelt at her side and was resting his hand on the back of her mussed hair. Shou breathed slowly outward, taking in what he was seeing. Never on his life would he have bet that _the _L would actually soften his cold, apathetic demeanor. There was no mistaking the look of affection in the man's eyes, though. He had fallen for the girl. Shou wasn't sure L himself even realized it, but it was obvious with the way he regarded her, with the careful, delicate way he touched her, with the way he whispered in her ear gently, with the way he let her know he was there for her. Shou put all these thoughts aside as he helped redress the bruised and battered girl with the detective.

Ren awoke in her bed. There was no mistaking this. The walls were plastered with girly posters of hot guys and music emblems and there was an electric blue lamp next to her bed. This was either a very good imitation, or it was her room. Ren opened her eyes more, then noticed the door. She couldn't believe it. It _was_ a very good imitation. The doorknob was a slightly different make than the one she had at home, and the room wasn't the right size or shape. It was a different room, but it was _her_ room. Someone had gone to great lengths to make her feel safe and comfortable away from her actual home. Someone who obviously understood that she would not appreciate waking up in her own home. Someone who understood the situation she was in, why she had done what she did last night, and what she wanted. There was only one.

She sat up quickly. That was a bad idea. The room dipped and swirled like a roller coaster guidance of her vision. The lights dimmed, her hearing faded, and she fell back on the pillow automatically. The wooziness passed a few moments later, when Ren decided to try again, more slowly.

"Don't." A man's voice had spoken. Unfortunately it hadn't been the voice of the man she desired to hear speak to her. "No matter how fast you try to sit up, the after effects of the sedatives will push you back down."

"Are you a...doctor, or something?" she asked, her voice hoarse and shaky.

"Actually, yes. Will that ensure that you listen to me?"

"Actually, no," Ren replied, smiling grimly. He was a good man. She could tell that from the moment he had first spoken. Yet, she had no desire to know him. Maybe a few days ago; but not now. "Where is he? Can I speak to him?" she asked weakly, her voice taking on a phony pitiful quality.

"If you mean L, no. He has some important business to attend to at the moment. If you like, I can pass on the request to see him, however."

"Please. Would you?"

"Only if you go back to sleep." Damn. Ren glowered up at the doctor, but gave in. There wasn't much she could do in her state anyway. She numbly closed her eyes, turning over in the blankets and willing the sleep to come. She heard the doctor leave then, and fell into darkness slowly.

The next time she woke was the last time she woke.

He was there. L was actually sitting in a chair without a computer screen in front of his nose, staring blankly into space. Ren noticed the small additions to the room now – the chair, for one, and the medical supplies conveniently stored on her desk, as well as the I.V. attached to her arm. She had been changed into new clothes by an anonymous figure. There was only one large addition that made any impression on Ren, however. Him.

"Why did you do it, Ren?" Her eyes widened. She hadn't known he had noticed that she was awake. He was looking at her now, with eyes as piercing as blades and as dull as flat stone. His hair was as messy as ever, but somehow it seemed more lank and unwashed at the present. As though L had been under higher stress lately.

"Why did you intervene?" She deflected. Ren had no desire to have this discussion with L at the present. Only to be in his presence. To feel him next to her, to smell him in the room, to hear his voice comforting her. That was her true desire.

"I'll be the one asking the questions," L replied silently, piercing her yet again with his eyes. Ren groaned uncomfortably as she tried to sit up, thinking that maybe the sedatives had worn off. They had, as she was able to come to a full upright position, only by leaning against the wall behind her. The wall behind her...her bed had been moved. Somehow, through all the minor modifications, however, this room felt more like home than any she'd ever been in. She tried to push these thoughts out of her mind as she focused on the disheveled detective crouching in a chair beside her bed.

Ren had a very strong notion to refuse to answer him, but she knew it would never work. She also felt like lying to him, but she knew that wouldn't only not work, it would make him angry with her for the attempt. All she could do was tell the truth.

"I assume you know everything by now. My dad left for America. I was depressed. I snapped, and didn't know what to do, so I figured that maybe drugs would make me feel better. Then, the drug dealers raped me." Ren turned her shining eyes to L, looking at him expectantly. "What more can I tell you that you don't know already?" L almost winced at how calm she looked while explaining the horrible things she had been through in the night previous. She almost looked...apathetic. As though she didn't care. L knew that very fact would have been an entirely plausible reason for him to have no care or interest in the matter as well, and yet, just the opposite seemed to be occurring. This lack of emotion within her spiked L's curiosity, and, as he hated to admit, his concern as well.

"Judging by your mood at the present, I can honestly say that you appear to have enjoyed last night, though I know that is beyond the measures of insanity. And I know you aren't insane, so...this makes you self-destructive to a point that is an inch away from masochism."

"Okay," Ren deadpanned.

Okay? Thought L. No, it very well wasn't okay. And what was with the one word answer? She never gave one-word answers. What was going on inside this girl's brain that reflected so in her personality?

"Ren, I need you to tell me what you're thinking," L commanded in what he hated to admit was a slightly desperate attempt towards the inner workings of her mind. Seeing her like this, however, had L perplexed and a little out of sorts.

She looked at him then, eyes shining with the same sort of mirth he always saw in them, whenever he was in her presence. He'd noticed its absence only when he was surveying her on the security camera. "L, haven't you ever wanted to do something for yourself? Something that distracts you from ordinary life?"

The world seemed to stop spinning at that point as L looked into her jovial eyes and she into his.

"No," he replied.

"No," she repeated to herself in a whisper.

"In fact I try to avoid anything under that category, considering my 'ordinary' life is crucial to the continuation of the lives of millions."

Ren realized that she'd fallen in a hole, here. Her ideals about people were getting in the way. Every time she had fallen from grace in the past, she would simply remind herself of the pain of others, and how exponentially greater it was than her own pain. And it would push her back up again, knowing that she had no right to complain. This time, she thought to herself, I realized that as well. Ren had known that her father leaving wasn't the worst thing that could've happened to her, and so she had descended to the streets, in search of that very thing. Now, however, life was throwing her another curveball, telling her that she _still_ didn't have the right to feel sorry for herself. That it could be worse. That she could be _him._

"Well," she said, the trembling in her lips giving away the break in her composure, "I suppose that defines the difference between you and I. I am selfish. And you will never be." L felt something then. It felt like something breaking within the confines of his chest. He knew it now. Why she had done it. Why everything had turned out this way. She thought she was selfish, and as she had been thinking that, she had thought of giving in to this "selfishness" and doing something on impulse. All of it, every last detail of her actions – from stepping off of the bus and into one of the many ghettos of Japan, to letting the four impossibly over-confident men ravish her and liking it – had germinated from her lack of self-esteem. She had thought she was trash. Her father leaving had been proof. She simply wanted to feel as if she were worth sympathy from someone, anyone. Even if it was only from herself.

"You're a fool," L remarked ruefully. She nodded, unable to say more. He groaned at the action, stepping lightly out of his chair and over to her with the shaking of his head. "Don't do that. Has anyone ever told you that you're worth more than that?"

"Than what?" she asked, seemingly unable to follow his logic for the first time. She certainly wasn't fishing for compliments. She wanted the exact opposite and he knew that, but insults weren't what were going to cure her.

"Than what you think of yourself."

"I'm not worth more than anything, L," Ren told the detective.

L slammed his hands on the wall behind her head, one on either side, with such a violent look in his eyes that Ren wouldn't have been surprised if, had the detective been armed, he might've had the anger to actually kill her.

"I said, _don't do that!_" he screamed at her, his face inches away from hers in a very menacing loom. Ren didn't speak, as her mouth had gone dry. It wasn't as if she hadn't been through something similar with her father. No, it wasn't the yelling that was scaring her. It was the man doing it. She chuckled quietly to herself, causing the glow in L's bright eyes to, if possible, increase. For the first time, L's gaze wavered from her eyes, down to her nose, which his was almost touching, to her lips, which were dangerously close to him as well.

"If what you say is true," Ren sighed, catching his gaze with her eyes once more, but not moving a muscle to scare him away, "and I am really worth something, then why, L, don't you kiss me?"

At that moment, something began moving inside Lawleit Ryuuzaki that had been still for a very long time. He felt a fire tingling through his skin and bones, pulsing through his blood and centering on a location that had never felt anything like what it was feeling now. L wasn't an idiot. He knew that was he was feeling was arousal at the words Ren had spoken. For the life of him, however, L couldn't figure out why. Why had five little, harmless words – "why don't you kiss me?" – aroused a part of him that had never even been used before? Why was his body even taking her seriously? Oh, and why did his body suddenly seem to have enough strength to counteract his mind? Why did her lips look so enticingly soft and tasty? His body was telling him that now would be a good time to devour them, devour her in a flurry of emotion. Instead, he forced his mind into overdrive and took his hands away from the wall, straightening (as much as ever, anyway) and preparing to leave.

"Because, Ren, you might not believe it, but you are the only thing in this building that is worth more than I am."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, L knew them to be true. He was crucial to the investigation, and that was crucial to the world. Yes, he was very important. Now, though, he knew of something that was actually crucial to him. And that thing, or person, now held all power in the building, just by having power over him.

Ren gaped at his retreating figure. It was...impossible. She was worth more than he was? That's why he wasn't able to kiss her? Why? There were simple explanations, of course, but L was not simple. So...it had to be based on logic more twisted and complex that her own.

No...it was ludicrous.

There was a possibility that his logic was a little simpler than he'd led her to believe. What if...?

It couldn't be. L couldn't have been overcome with lust. And L didn't let lust make his decisions for him in the first place. L couldn't have been protecting her from himself. He couldn't have needed to in the first place. L couldn't have broken her further by having sex with her unless he was going to leave her. L couldn't have thought that breaking her would affect him. L couldn't have had strong enough feelings for her in order for that to be accomplished. L couldn't...

It really was impossible. There had to be something else occurring inside the detective's mind, for L couldn't be thinking what Ren was thinking. He couldn't be in love with her.

"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?"

Light. He was there.

He was saying something, but L couldn't hear him. He gestured for Light to speak louder. Light repeated the same question, louder. L still couldn't hear. Light groaned and stepped out into the rain and towards Ryuuzaki, who was standing, soaked to the bone, on the roof of headquarters.

"What are you doing, Ryuuzaki?" Light questioned once he was within earshot of the detective.

"Oh," L said, looking at the ground. "I'm not doing...anything in particular, its just...I hear the bell." The detective lifted his face to the rain, a strange expression on his face.

"The bell?" Light remarked, puzzled.

"Yes. The sound of the bell has been unusually loud today." Light looked around, quite curious about L's actions.

"I can't hear anything," Light concluded.

"Really. You can't hear it? It's been ringing nonstop all day. I find it...very distracting. I wonder if it's a church, maybe a wedding, or perhaps a..."

"What are you getting at, Ryuuzaki? Come on, cut it out. Let's get back inside." L peered at Light through the rain, then looked back down.

"I'm sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense, anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it."

Light stared at L, confused yet again. What was wrong with the detective? He was acting out of the ordinary.

Ren was sleeping quietly. Her room was dark. The door opened.

"Augh..."

A streak of light fell on her face, burning her retina from the dark moments before. Ren shielded her eyes from the fire, trying to make out the figure standing in the doorway. He was tall, pale, and hunched over...there was only one who fit that description.

"Ryuu...ga?" Ren asked meekly, attempting to sit up in her bed. She looked healthier. The nurse had come by earlier and treated her. The I.V. was no longer attached to her thin arm. She was no longer on sedatives. The drugs had been flushed out of her system. Yet...she looked worse. The light in her eyes had dimmed considerably.

L didn't know what to do, how to proceed, but he knew the first step was closing the door and locking it behind him. So he did. Ren watched him with wary eyes, almost untrusting, but somehow without the strength to know what not to trust. He almost stopped. There was nothing to do until Watari called; yet he almost convinced himself that he didn't want to do this.

"L, haven't you ever wanted to do something for yourself? Something that distracts you from ordinary life?"

The words sang in his head until he had almost convinced himself Ren was saying the words to him right then and there. She would have been, if she'd known what L was thinking. He throbbed. He ached. He _needed_. For the first time in his life, he depended.

"What are you doing?" Ren asked, her voice hoarse and rough like sandpaper, yet still soft. The same voice he had known for weeks and still never really knew. L didn't answer her, but the room was so silent that Ren still heard his breath catch and his throat swallow nervously. It was dark.

L held his breath, and he noticed that Ren wasn't breathing as well. By now she had noticed that something was wrong. Damn her intuition. Despite this, L plowed forward, taking one barefoot step after another. The time went too fast, and before he was ready to be, L was at Ren's bedside.

"What's wrong?" she asked, knowing the question would do no good, yet still believing she had to voice it. She had to let him know that she was there, and that she cared. It was her nature.

L combed his fingers through his unkempt hair, tracing them over the side of his face, then down to brush over his lips. With the same hand, he reached down to Ren, down to her head, which rested against the wall behind her. His fingers tangled in her hair, gently, sliding down and running over the smooth skin of her cheek, then down to trace lightly over her lips. She didn't speak, as her voice had become useless. She was blushing, though. She had the notion to blush at a time like this, when anyone else would have demanded to know why the famous L, who was currently on the verge of solving the Kira case, would bother to touch them in such an intimate way.

L then took a sudden initiative, throwing the covers back and climbing over Ren's body, recovering them both and gazing heatedly into her eyes, his face inches away from hers. She let out the breath she'd been holding, and the result was that L caught a scent of her breath. It was sweet. He lowered his body, crushing her to him and pressing his lips against the crook of her neck. She gasped, unable to help herself. He took this opportunity to move back to her face, brushing his mouth tenderly against hers, then deepening the kiss. Her body relaxed underneath him.

"L..." the name slipped from her lips, chasing his as they lifted from hers.

"It's Lawleit," he said, voice low and quiet, descending on her mouth again and silencing any questions the statement might have elucidated. Ren didn't have any questions, though. She already knew everything, knew what was going to happen.

L...no, Lawleit. He was going to die.

He was pulling his incredibly loose jeans back on when the cell phone in them rang. He answered it, spoke a few words, then snapped it shut.

"I have to go," L said quietly to the girl, breathing heavily, and naked under the loose sheets. She nodded.

"I know. I'll be seeing you," she said breathlessly, gazing up at the dark ceiling.

"No, you won't. Stay."

"How can I?"

"I don't know. But you can't follow me. After this, we stop being selfish and move on."

With that, he was gone. Ren lay in her bed, still gazing at the concrete expanse of darkness above her. An hour passed. Or was it two? She didn't know what time it was when she heard the scream of Yagami Light. He was ranting about how he was next. Acting.

Could it be?

He hadn't seen her. She was fairly certain of that. Light had been too absorbed in the limp figure of Ryuuzaki in his arms. Dead.

On her way home on the public bus, Ren wondered why it had turned out like this. She should be dead by now. If she were dead, she could be with Lawleit. Forever. She would never have to go without him again. Yet that wasn't the way it had turned out. That wasn't her fate.

There was a way to change that, however. The bus wheels squeaked as they rolled to a stop in front of the bus station, not a block away from her house.

Through the door. Down the hall. In the closet. In the back corner. On the far right.

It was gone.

Then, she understood.

He was gone.

She wasn't. She had to stop being selfish. She had to move on.

Sayonara.


End file.
